Kenya's Dopest chick....KD*

YOU LAZY (INTELLECTUAL) AFRICAN SCUM!!!

2012-01-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

The following article has been making rounds amongst Africans in the diaspora. Havent blogged for a while but feel its important if i share this with my fellow Africans. I will not say much since the article adresses preTty much everything there is so be said on the status quo or should i say the current state of our poor dark continent! The Zambia might as well be Kenya, Uganda, Algeria, Tunisia, Angola!! the whole continent is doomed!! A definite good read!!!

THE TYPICAL AFRICAN IMAGERY

LINK: http://mindofmalaka.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/you-lazy-intellectual-african-scum/

INCASE THE LINK DOES NOT WORK...READ ARTICLE BELOW!

You Lazy (Intellectual) African Scum!

Posted on January 18, 2012
583 Comments

So I got this in my email this morning…

They call the Third World the lazy man’s purview; the sluggishly slothful and languorous prefecture. In this realm people are sleepy, dreamy, torpid, lethargic, and therefore indigent—totally penniless, needy, destitute, poverty-stricken, disfavored, and impoverished. In this demesne, as they call it, there are hardly any discoveries, inventions, and innovations. Africa is the trailblazer. Some still call it “the dark continent” for the light that flickers under the tunnel is not that of hope, but an approaching train. And because countless keep waiting in the way of the train, millions die and many more remain decapitated by the day.

“It’s amazing how you all sit there and watch yourselves die,” the man next to me said. “Get up and do something about it.”

Brawny, fully bald-headed, with intense, steely eyes, he was as cold as they come. When I first discovered I was going to spend my New Year’s Eve next to him on a non-stop JetBlue flight from Los Angeles to Boston I was angst-ridden. I associate marble-shaven Caucasians with iconoclastic skin-heads, most of who are racist.

“My name is Walter,” he extended his hand as soon as I settled in my seat.

I told him mine with a precautious smile.

“Where are you from?” he asked.

“Zambia.”

“Zambia!” he exclaimed, “Kaunda’s country.”

“Yes,” I said, “Now Sata’s.”

“But of course,” he responded. “You just elected King Cobra as your president.”

My face lit up at the mention of Sata’s moniker. Walter smiled, and in those cold eyes I saw an amenable fellow, one of those American highbrows who shuttle between Africa and the U.S.

“I spent three years in Zambia in the 1980s,” he continued. “I wined and dined with Luke Mwananshiku, Willa Mungomba, Dr. Siteke Mwale, and many other highly intelligent Zambians.” He lowered his voice. “I was part of the IMF group that came to rip you guys off.” He smirked. “Your government put me in a million dollar mansion overlooking a shanty called Kalingalinga. From my patio I saw it all—the rich and the poor, the ailing, the dead, and the healthy.”

“Are you still with the IMF?” I asked.

“I have since moved to yet another group with similar intentions. In the next few months my colleagues and I will be in Lusaka to hypnotize the cobra. I work for the broker that has acquired a chunk of your debt. Your government owes not the World Bank, but us millions of dollars. We’ll be in Lusaka to offer your president a couple of millions and fly back with a check twenty times greater.”

“No, you won’t,” I said. “King Cobra is incorruptible. He is …”

He was laughing. “Says who? Give me an African president, just one, who has not fallen for the carrot and stick.”

Quett Masire’s name popped up.

“Oh, him, well, we never got to him because he turned down the IMF and the World Bank. It was perhaps the smartest thing for him to do.”

At midnight we were airborne. The captain wished us a happy 2012 and urged us to watch the fireworks across Los Angeles.

“Isn’t that beautiful,” Walter said looking down.

From my middle seat, I took a glance and nodded admirably.

“That’s white man’s country,” he said. “We came here on Mayflower and turned Indian land into a paradise and now the most powerful nation on earth. We discovered the bulb, and built this aircraft to fly us to pleasure resorts like Lake Zambia.”

I grinned. “There is no Lake Zambia.”

He curled his lips into a smug smile. “That’s what we call your country. You guys are as stagnant as the water in the lake. We come in with our large boats and fish your minerals and your wildlife and leave morsels—crumbs. That’s your staple food, crumbs. That corn-meal you eat, that’s crumbs, the small Tilapia fish you call Kapenta is crumbs. We the Bwanas (whites) take the cat fish. I am the Bwana and you are the Muntu. I get what I want and you get what you deserve, crumbs. That’s what lazy people get—Zambians, Africans, the entire Third World.”

The smile vanished from my face.

“I see you are getting pissed off,” Walter said and lowered his voice. “You are thinking this Bwana is a racist. That’s how most Zambians respond when I tell them the truth. They go ballistic. Okay. Let’s for a moment put our skin pigmentations, this black and white crap, aside. Tell me, my friend, what is the difference between you and me?”

“There’s no difference.”

“Absolutely none,” he exclaimed. “Scientists in the Human Genome Project have proved that. It took them thirteen years to determine the complete sequence of the three billion DNA subunits. After they

were all done it was clear that 99.9% nucleotide bases were exactly the same in you and me. We are the same people. All white, Asian, Latino, and black people on this aircraft are the same.”

I gladly nodded.

“And yet I feel superior,” he smiled fatalistically. “Every white person on this plane feels superior to a black person. The white guy who picks up garbage, the homeless white trash on drugs, feels superior to you no matter his status or education. I can pick up a nincompoop from the New York streets, clean him up, and take him to Lusaka and you all be crowding around him chanting muzungu, muzungu and yet he’s a riffraff. Tell me why my angry friend.”

For a moment I was wordless.

“Please don’t blame it on slavery like the African Americans do, or colonialism, or some psychological impact or some kind of stigmatization. And don’t give me the brainwash poppycock. Give me a better answer.”

I was thinking.

He continued. “Excuse what I am about to say. Please do not take offense.”

I felt a slap of blood rush to my head and prepared for the worst.

“You my friend flying with me and all your kind are lazy,” he said. “When you rest your head on the pillow you don’t dream big. You and other so-called African intellectuals are damn lazy, each one of you. It is you, and not those poor starving people, who is the reason Africa is in such a deplorable state.”

“That’s not a nice thing to say,” I protested.

He was implacable. “Oh yes it is and I will say it again, you are lazy. Poor and uneducated Africans are the most hardworking people on earth. I saw them in the Lusaka markets and on the street selling merchandise. I saw them in villages toiling away. I saw women on Kafue Road crushing stones for sell and I wept. I said to myself where are the Zambian intellectuals? Are the Zambian engineers so imperceptive they cannot invent a simple stone crusher, or a simple water filter to purify well water for those poor villagers? Are you telling me that after thirty-seven years of independence your university school of engineering has not produced a scientist or an engineer who can make simple small machines for mass use? What is the school there for?”

I held my breath.

“Do you know where I found your intellectuals? They were in bars quaffing. They were at the Lusaka Golf Club, Lusaka Central Club, Lusaka Playhouse, and Lusaka Flying Club. I saw with my own eyes a bunch of alcoholic graduates. Zambian intellectuals work from eight to five and spend the evening drinking. We don’t. We reserve the evening for brainstorming.”

He looked me in the eye.

“And you flying to Boston and all of you Zambians in the Diaspora are just as lazy and apathetic to your country. You don’t care about your country and yet your very own parents, brothers and sisters are in Mtendere, Chawama, and in villages, all of them living in squalor. Many have died or are dying of neglect by you. They are dying of AIDS because you cannot come up with your own cure. You are here calling yourselves graduates, researchers and scientists and are fast at articulating your credentials once asked—oh, I have a PhD in this and that—PhD my foot!”

I was deflated.

“Wake up you all!” he exclaimed, attracting the attention of nearby passengers. “You should be busy lifting ideas, formulae, recipes, and diagrams from American manufacturing factories and sending them to your own factories. All those research findings and dissertation papers you compile should be your country’s treasure. Why do you think the Asians are a force to reckon with? They stole our ideas and turned them into their own. Look at Japan, China, India, just look at them.”

He paused. “The Bwana has spoken,” he said and grinned. “As long as you are dependent on my plane, I shall feel superior and you my friend shall remain inferior, how about that? The Chinese, Japanese, Indians, even Latinos are a notch better. You Africans are at the bottom of the totem pole.”

He tempered his voice. “Get over this white skin syndrome and begin to feel confident. Become innovative and make your own stuff for god’s sake.”

At 8 a.m. the plane touched down at Boston’s Logan International Airport. Walter reached for my hand.

“I know I was too strong, but I don’t give it a damn. I have been to Zambia and have seen too much poverty.” He pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something. “Here, read this. It was written by a friend.”

He had written only the title: “Lords of Poverty.”

Thunderstruck, I had a sinking feeling. I watched Walter walk through the airport doors to a waiting car. He had left a huge dust devil twirling in my mind, stirring up sad memories of home. I could see Zambia’s literati—the cognoscente, intelligentsia, academics, highbrows, and scholars in the places he had mentioned guzzling and talking irrelevancies. I remembered some who have since passed—how they got the highest grades in mathematics and the sciences and attained the highest education on the planet. They had been to Harvard, Oxford, Yale, Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), only to leave us with not a single invention or discovery. I knew some by name and drunk with them at the Lusaka Playhouse and Central Sports.

Walter is right. It is true that since independence we have failed to nurture creativity and collective orientations. We as a nation lack a workhorse mentality and behave like 13 million civil servants dependent on a government pay cheque. We believe that development is generated 8-to-5 behind a desk wearing a tie with our degrees hanging on the wall. Such a working environment does not offer the opportunity for fellowship, the excitement of competition, and the spectacle of innovative rituals.

But the intelligentsia is not solely, or even mainly, to blame. The larger failure is due to political circumstances over which they have had little control. The past governments failed to create an environment of possibility that fosters camaraderie, rewards innovative ideas and encourages resilience. KK, Chiluba, Mwanawasa, and Banda embraced orthodox ideas and therefore failed to offer many opportunities for drawing outside the line.

I believe King Cobra’s reset has been cast in the same faculties as those of his predecessors. If today I told him that we can build our own car, he would throw me out.

“Naupena? Fuma apa.” (Are you mad? Get out of here)

Knowing well that King Cobra will not embody innovation at Walter’s level let’s begin to look for a technologically active-positive leader who can succeed him after a term or two. That way we can make our own stone crushers, water filters, water pumps, razor blades, and harvesters. Let’s dream big and make tractors, cars, and planes, or, like Walter said, forever remain inferior.

A fundamental transformation of our country from what is essentially non-innovative to a strategic superior African country requires a bold risk-taking educated leader with a triumphalist attitude and we have one in YOU. Don’t be highly strung and feel insulted by Walter. Take a moment and think about our country. Our journey from 1964 has been marked by tears. It has been an emotionally overwhelming experience. Each one of us has lost a loved one to poverty, hunger, and disease. The number of graves is catching up with the population. It’s time to change our political culture. It’s time for Zambian intellectuals to cultivate an active-positive progressive movement that will change our lives forever. Don’t be afraid or dispirited, rise to the challenge and salvage the remaining few of your beloved ones.

Field Ruwe is a US-based Zambian media practitioner and author. He is a PhD candidate with a B.A. in Mass Communication and Journalism, and an M.A. in History.

FOREVER 21 -AFRICAN PRINTS/TRIBAL LOOK/BOHEMIAN

2011-07-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

Kinda late for a fashionista but if you haven't noticed all the stores this summer 2011 are doing the whole AFRICAN PRINT. I mean who is taking credit for all this prints!!! LV went ahead and patented the maasai shuka like forreal...who is getting paid for that!! Grrr Kenyans Kenyans!!
Went to forever 21 today and couldn't help notice all the African prints. Took the pics with my celly excuse the quality. African fashionistas always rock these prints in general but it has become a fad..i mean have you seen them white girls!
Felt extra nice walking in the mall and seeing all this bright prints from the so called "dark continent". Guess everyone wants to represent the motherland!! If you are that tribal chic...bohemian...whatever you call it there's alot of stuff out there to play with now... I own a couple generic ones myself to go with my natural hair (killer combination) but im yet to find Kenyan designer who can make cocktail dresses for me that i have designed with that fabric. That will be my #winterbunny project
xoxo KD*

I need a new MUSE!!/ Re- Usable sanitary pads!!!

2011-07-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

Gosh! another one of those i need to go back to blogging posts! Its been a minute yes! Iam graduating soon finally the fruits will have payed! ...and i do need a new MUSE! my current one does not inspire me....how are the rest of the bloggers!!??

Well im in twitter now------->>>> follow me http://twitter.com/#!/KenyasDopest

I was reading an article on eve girl last week and they were talking about how girls in this day and age (2011) still do not have access to sanitary pads!! "A large percentage of schoolgirls in Kenya miss many learning days and one in every ten underprivileged girls drops out of school for lack of sanitary towels" who would have thought!Many girls are having sex with teachers, older men and boyfriends just to get money to buy pads. This in turn has increased the rate of early sexual initiation in girls, HIV infection, teenage pregnancies and school dropouts.

Maybe its just me but there are so many influential young people nowadays in the media i.e radio, tv.How about starting a non profit that distributes sanitary towels to girls in these low income areas! Gosh some things are just appalling....the gap between the have and the have- nots is just too sad!! The girl child in the third world has been ignored for too long! even a freaking pad! well im going do something about it! (watch this space)

About this reusable eco pad

It is made of organic cotton (the flannel), which is absorbent, soft and easy to clean because it does not retain pigment. The pack has one platform and five liners of different shapes to be used depending on the amount of flow. The pad is sustainable because of its re-usability and cost effectiveness. It can be distributed only once a year as opposed to other pads that have to be availed monthly

currently listening to - Sauti Sol Mwanzo
if anyone knows how i can get a copy of filosofia holla at your girl!

A year later............

2010-02-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

Hey bloggers! Greetings from my new base Nairoberry!! YES!!!I have been here 6 months already surveying and trying to see if this is the place for me to settle and build myself. I love being home but home doesn't love me so much!!.Unless i lock myself up in an imaginary attic i have to interact with the average citizen and its awlays a fight everyday!! Fiesty KD*!! I have been off blogshpere for a while and much of my life has changed.Not sure i want to share my findings but id just say..ignorance is bliss and be content that you dont know anything about this life as it is. I have been going through an intense Spiritual transformation (nothing to do with church) and self discovery something they call the 'kundalini awakening' enough said about that google it. Don't get me started on KENYANS!!!! i know we will complain until the end of time but living here you understand why Africans act the way they do and only living with them, you will be able to comprehend why life is the way it is here. Was just checking on my blog family Aco, Archer(we share a polsci class) shiku, the poet chic damn i done forgot everyone but brace yourself so much is about to be written down on my experiences.
Earth quake in Haiti!!! man made or nature??....US sends 100,000 troops??!! anyways before these weirdos start investigating my wall and computer which i bet they are already..just food for thought!!

And why cant you find the book you've been dying to read??.....Maybe you're just in the....

muhahaha i think the joker in me will always remain. Love you all....love the world love life!!!

On my ipod on rotation............

2009-07-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

Love how Kenyan music is headed to big places nowadays. I have to give it up tho to the latest music videos gracing our screens. Top notch shit! I particularly have my eye on this Ogopa people...I love almost all their videos concept and quality wise. Such an improvement from back in the days!

The latest Ogopa sensation Avril. Love the video cuz its quite simple but still keeps u engaged. Minus those lil red shorts she had on this is a perfect ten!

Her again feat AY...hot shit!..Love love love this one

Love how they went to Lake Magadi to shoot this specific video. About time we started embracing our country and resources instead of being in a video in a dingy ass club with a half naked woman wearing a synthetic wig looking like its about to start a fire! lmao!.. not forgetting the FAKE ASS CHAIN trying to impersonate Diddy!! This tune is sweet too....

Beautiful!!!! Not certain this is an Ogopa but yet again they went to the Coast..either Mombasa or Malindi for this. I think i shed a tear or two when i saw the Kenyan flag on the "yatch" that was just dope. Juu tu sana! And the ladies...luda was right! they all in Africa...especially EastAfrica,,,haha

So im a poet now!!!..........Kd* is back!!

2009-07-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

Wsup party and work people..and usual suspects!!! Dizzyaaaam this has to be the longest time ive been away form my other home. Glad to see yall still doing the damn thing. I swear to you things are getting thick in my side of town...i was ready to check into a mental institution last month! Diagnosis: Delusions of Grandeur...im in my own little world! Well MJ done left us and im not gonna exhaust his name anymore cuz i bet everyone did a tribute to him on their blogs. I took a glimpse of one Kenyan magazine that dedicated their whole 12 pages to MJ...how deep is that!! the dude is just human godddaaamn!! Even my 5 year old bro that was clueless of him can now do the moonwalk!

Did anyone catch a glimpse of the BET awards and all the hot mess outfits the so called celebs had? I understand it was all last minute n shit since they had to switch outfits to match the MJ theme...sad sad. Especially Jammie Foxx tryna do the moonwalk..killt me!! oh well... So anyways i decided to do a piece of poetry...its good to credit the composer so ima do just that. Her name is Joey and for all of yall that are in the motherland i think she presents that show called "Can U dance" and she has a show on Capital Fm...shes very cool peoples and talented to the max. She wrote and did a video the following piece on her blog and i fell in love with it just decided hmmm maybe i cud do my own rendition...but she is way better trust. So here anyways!! If i hear any giggles its me and you in the boxing ring i pull a Mayweather!!!

Still working on the Honest Scrap award that i got two months ago from Archer and damn! forgot her name...well anyways shit done changed so its on this time!! Enjoy the poem and let me know what u think??!! Holla!!

HAPPY JULY 4TH DIASPORANS GOD BLESS AMERICA!! Imma be at the crib with fam nyama choma and then head to the beach later for the nite...what yall gettin into??

Letter to My Daughter

BITCHASSNESS!!!!!!!! I LEFT FACE BOOK!!....(for a minute tho)OF CLINGY FRIENDS AND THEIR ASSOCIATES

2009-05-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

EDITED!!

SEX BOMB!!....Egg foo young anyone??

2009-05-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

Howdy fellow bloggaz... haha only in Africa i tell you!! So the women have yet again come up with a 'sensible' way to punish the so called leaders..."SEX BOYCOTT" whatever happened to creativity??? The Greek women did that iish during lead by Hellen of troy... Mandela already pulled that iish and it didnt seem to work in Burundi in 01 apparently. So why should i deprive myself from gettin me freak on cuz these men cant fucking get their shit together...there are other alternatives that dont involve me loosing my conjugal rights as men quickly and boastfully refer to them??? For once i have to agree with this standard chauvinist bastard of a writer..alias

Tony M

...yeah that dude that wrote about kwambox claiming shes not a kitchen girl!! He is also good at bashing women and calling them all sorts of name which no one finds funny!!! Good point he made tho but he fucked as usual up by using the following terms to refer to the women "feministic cranks (or menopausal marsupials as Pete Moss puts them)" i know he was being sarcastic but hes still an asshole... His take was simply boycott everything!!! i like the sound of that TV(aint it soccer season too?), Ironing( do people still iron clothes these days??...im into the whole wrinkle free fabric mazee no can do..but i own a iron box tho),cooking..hehe starve the idiots (which i only do when ive been touched be an angel)...goddamn there are so many ways to punish a dog..oops i meant a man that denying him some...this ladies shud have contacted me. From castration to that Japanese water torture..i mean tha list goes on... Yo easy on the balls... im only kiddin.....

The women that stick to women wont be affected by this im guessing....speaking of that last week i go to my inbox...and the infamous hot girl had written quite a graphic message which left me zoned out.....

yesterday after clubbin,i got so hot.So i came home,turned off the lights and touched myself to the thought of me and you wild in passion. I rarely do that,funny your the only girl that came to my mind..and body. All i could think of was me lickin you everywhere and making you cry cz of al the pleasure..i want quality time with u n make u rethink just how straight u are...I miss you like fuck
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Damn now im even scared of coming back to Nairobi yaani....im yet to publish the "Night @Tamasha backseat of Toyota Corolla KBX 1695"..hehe

GOD KNOWS I STAY OFF CHINESE FOOD.................If it taste like chicken damn sure it aint!!!

Great weekends guyz!!! and good luck on the finals for us still stuck in COLLEGE!!

Arrest that Snake!!.....and let the Guy walk free!

2009-04-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

Beginning of yet another bogus week! I love COLLEGE!

I know most of us managed to read that article on the nation last week where a man fought with a 13ft serpent and had to "bite" it to survive!...Well i think the story went a lil something like this...try to read this in a Chinese Confucius like accent to get the joke better

Man cook ugali. Python smell and come. Ugali is ready. Man invite python for dinner. Python say okay but before we eat let's go up the tree, I have fresh impala up there. Man say, Wow! I love game meat! Python say, you climb first. Man climb quickly like monkey. Python climb also. Man ask: where is Impala? Python answer: You are my Impala...I also love meat...I eat YOU! Man struggle! Python struggle! Python stick ass in man tongue. Man bite python ass. Man call help with cellphone. Then cellphone save man! Cellphone made in China. Thanks China. China save world yet again. China stroooooong! Kenya police ask China to fabricate handcuffs to catch snake. Police still looking for snake to arrest.

Read anaa exaggerated version on BBC about this supposed true story?! The snake is said to have dissapeared overnight while in a falconry...got me thinking how Coasto people are good at telling tales...that damn thing might have been a lizard!...sorry but this shit is just too funny! And the local police go ahead to make another statement ati..
"We are still seriously looking for the snake," said Supt Katam. "We want to arrest the snake because any one of us could fall a victim."
Dont u just love being from Kenya!

Speaking of Kenya i just read about a Kenyan deportee in Kansas that will go against all odds to stay in this damned country. It is said that he had covered himself in shit and spit just so that they wont be able to touch him. Airlines have refused to carry a violent feces covered man so he is somewhere in Kansas rotting in jail covered in his own crap. It is said the man has lived here 13 years and prefers to be in Jail over going back to Kenya. For some reason i dont blame the guy. Life in Kenya is not a bed of roses for some people so i totally understand why he does not wanna go back. On the other hand how many illegal Mexicans do you know that receive free medical care, food and other things from the state?? Wsup with that??!!

On my play list: Come closer- Kleptomaniax feat Scar

Pic of the week

Muziq D'Afrique....Sauti Sol

2009-04-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered this afro-fusion group by the name Sauti-sol. Ive seen several bloggers put this up on their play list and my girl eclecticsoul blogged about em too a couple months ago. She didnt put any links and i was feeling extra lazy to google them until i ran into them on getmziki.com this site i go to get fresh music from our continent and download mix tapes. These young men are more than talented, their voices OMG!! orgasmic. Never been a fan of live bands cuz of obvious reasons ..zzzzzz.. but i sooooooo would go see these guyz actually perform live. That would be my ideal date...just me and some lucky bastard who will quickly turn unlucky once all my attention goes to the guy killing the falsetto..rather the high notes. I just have a soft spot for guyz that can sing...Damn my weakness!!!!

A Taste of Sauti-Sol

Lazizi

Mafunzo ya dunia (live)

Myspace Music Page

On that note im glad we are slowly going back to appreciating our own African music. I grew up in the 90's and mostly hip-hop was the order of the day. "Grab your d*** if you love hip-hop (B***es) Rub your t***es if you love Big Poppa" WTF is that shiat! I preferred talk on the Eastcoast vs Westcoast beef over Fela kuti, Fadhili Williams or Miriam Makeba(RIP).My mom who was a music and drama teacher then and always had a humongous collection of all music genres i could think of. I knew most of the songs by default and not by my liking. I was jamming to Kayamba Africa the other day in my car and it was the shizzle...so i was like damn im i gettin old ama what is it...i actually loved those traditional songs with the percussion and stuff. I was quick to recognize the Nyatiti and all those fancy instruments i once thought were boring. Before i turn this into yet another music lesson with words like dolce Calando Crescendo Diminuendo Moderato Fermata...tehehe the words are actually Italian so it only makes most sense if they are in Italics...just a random observation!.. All im tryna say is im in love with Sauti sol. What do you guyz think of the songs...holler!!

On my playlist...DUH!!! unless u slow...

Side note: If anyone has contacts with the group let them know to forward the check to kenyas dopest chic...all this publicity bana!!...i needs to get mines...

Everyone is free to wear Sunscreen........

2009-04-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

So im sitting here going thru my old posts reminiscing.Relax hommey this is not yet another ranting post so im finna need you to chill.I did a rant post dubbed Nonsense Tatts!!..and tats do's and Dont's...
i think it was like my third post and now going back to check the comments i tell you ive been called all sorts of names by these stupid fuckers i call A******ns. Moffos dont understand we have freedom of speech on our first amendment.People took the post rather personal i say and all i was doing was giving advice to peeps that are thinking of gettin tatoos and nothing serious. How in the world did they end up on my blog first of all...i do one article on tatoos and allover sudden weirdos are all up on my blog!!

Speaking of freedom of speech. The UTAMU blog is back in the market. The website that is know to put our fellow neighbours Tanzanians elites, celebs, regular people, politicians on blast. burudika basi...

So i get home from the gym this moring got a missed call and a serious 'call me back' voicemail from my girl who lives up north. I called her up amidst my breakfast and getting dressed for school. Story is she just took a test and shes preggers!! I was like WTF!! so what do WE do?? i said. The twist of the story was she was messing with two brothers at the same time (hmm aint we all surprised!!) and she didnt know whose it was. I was sitting there thinking to myself how can u be so dumb to mess with two brothers at the same time and not use protection!!! Alas! the pope dont call the shots these days keep using CONDOMS people!!. I wasnt about to cry over spilt milk, so i inquired on knowing how she was feeling first. Under my breath cussing cuz we had some very major summer plans and kiddo in the way aint gonna make them Tequila shots possible...i thinks she sensed how frustrated i was so she went ahead and told me it was the fools joke...boy i was pissed so i played the same on my roomie but used my sister whom shes fond of...haha i got her well!!

Men!! Im at at time in my life where men are just not an essential. Dont know what the hell happened to my groove but i need to be like Stella and get it back. Celibacy for me is never a problem so long as im not close a person i desire in that way. We can say i have self control to a certain extent but theres a certain individual that just pushes my buttons the right way and....damn okay im gettin a lil bit personal. Last Thursday we went out as usual its ladies night since i had promised to take my siblings out on the weekend anyways. I met like three guyz exchanged numbers and this week i have been caught avoiding their calls like plague. I ask myself why in the world did i give them my number then?? I texd one of them that was blowing up ma phone that i was going to sleep he texd back ati "why are u going to sleep". I replied "uummm lemme see cuz our body needs at least 6 hours of sleep every night...what do u think genius???". Back in the day i held my own which im not willing to confess but ive just been out of touch with the brothers lately. I think everyone deserves a chance but for some reason i dont have time to be trying out bruhs to see if they fit the criteria...i just might change my mind soon and give on of em a call. Maybe i dont know what i be missing

Il leave you with this must see video!!! Just love the positive message so go head indulge!

and please do wear sunscreen peeps!!

Latest rented Movie ( I live behind block-buster peeps!!)

Twilight- No need for rating this movie is just a must see!!
The Secret Life of Bees- 4 stars

To HELL with the horse hair wigs!!....how about goat skin?!

2009-03-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

RIDICULOUS!!!!!

Nothing screams 'legacy of colonialism' quite like a black guy in a white wig. We have more important issues as a country to be discussed than wigs but i find the above picture quite disturbing if you may!!In fact, the robes, horsehair wigs, and the other paraphernalia make our judges look ridiculous. As well, they are uncomfortable, cumbersome, and unsuited to the scorching African sun. True fact is that this judicial costume is imported from Britain and very expensive. One horsehair wig costs about £1000, US$2000 which averages about 150,000 Kshs!!!This drains the little foreign currency that we badly need for essential imports.

It is indeed hard to pin down what is Kenyan attire without offending one of the 49 tribes, but please 40 plus years after independence and still wearing the same attire our colonizers used to unfairly rule against us as if fulfilling their legacy? My dear Kenyans when are we ever gonna get up and try to form some sorta national identity??....when the High courts themselves have refused to do away with the wigs which if you ask me look really STUPID! on an Africans' face!!If we plan on developing a Kenyan sense of pride, a sense of self-respect and identity, we need to reclaim our culture and do away with these European ways of thinking. Abandoning the wigs does not mean that we hate our colonial masters. On the contrary, it suggests that we are innovative in that we retain only the eclectic elements of our colonial culture .....whats your take?

Blame it on the Recession!...not the doggone Alcohol

2009-03-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

So yes ive been MIA. Moved out my mama crib and into a city 30 minutes away. Boy now dont i appreciate a hot meal and a hot shower that i used to take for granted. Oh yeah my new place is a dead zone so internet surfing is a no no!! Life just sucks...assignments piling up, bills bills bills, my spring break was spent in BED for i had strep throat and God knows those antibiotics kill all the good bacteria which leads to some infections i wont even dare mention. In a nutshell im going thru some thangs and will need to be included in youre prayers if you will.

Speaking of prayers...does GOD even exist!!? So the pope goes to Africa and tells them to stop the use of condoms to reduce HIV. We cant all be like Jesus Christ who supposedly wifed up Mary Magdalene....so what exactly are we supposed to believe...the pope or MTV which says stay strapped.....rantings i say. Anyways tryna get my iish together cuz the Kenyan adventures are slowly rubbing off and dont even feel like sharing them now...well hope this week we see the light....and oh im sooo leaving FB soonest!

Day and Night- Kid cutty

Ati my flight is what???....Poor KLM bastard!!!...or so not poor?

2009-02-20T16:06:00.000-08:00

This happened on January 20th 2009. The last day of the debauchery that took place while on our vacation...the last day!!! and the worst had to happen! We then recieve a nightmare phonecall that anyone with a flight 4 hrs later dreads!!. We were all chilling enjoying some liquor and nyam chom as custom. I was kind happy to be coming back home for the truth is i was broke as hell as in nada mula. I had missed a week of school and that was not going well with me. I was also gettin crazily addicted to a certain individual and it was becoming a very dangerous affair!! I wanted out!! I just wanted to go home. You party back and forth for 42 days you will get tired and turn into a monster as i did when this poor KLM guy called!.............and it went a lil sum like this!

KLM rep: Good evening madam. Is this ****** and ***** phone?

My Girl: Yes thats us! Whom Im I speaking too?

KLM: Im calling from KLM we spoke yesterday. Im sorry to say you your at 10:15pm flight is full. You ladies are going to have to re-book!

My girl: HUH? What do you mean full??!! We already called to reserve the seats and all five hours ago what are you talkin about??!!

KLM rep: I apologize but it looks like you and your friend will not be able to fly today but we have already reserved tickets for Friday.

My girl: OMG!! This cant be happening..is there a way you can look at this and talk to someone cuz we really need to leave today. We are already late for school work and such please look into it! Gai Jesu!

KLM rep: Im sorry I cant do anything about it so I need to know if you want your Friday flight to be at the same time?

My girl: Hold on....talk to **** here!

Meanwhile Im outside the house catching the last pints as they call it in our city. My girl comes outside with this look to her face.."our flight has been postponed till Friday!!". Im like WTF!!! How now?? so she’s like the guy is on the phone please talk some sense into him cuz this is some bullshit!!! I jumped out my seat like WHAT!!! ready to charge like a bull.....

Pissed Me: Helloo!! What do you mean the flights been canceled??

KLM rep: No not cancelled but the flight is full so your going to fly Friday it seems!

Pissed Me: Nuh uh!! We already reserved the seats so I don’t know what you’re talkin about!! Its 4 hours prior to our flight and you’re telling us now!? We have to fly out tonight

KLM: The flight is full and there’s nothing we can do about it sorry!

Me: Well guess what yall just gonna gave to think of something cuz that’s baloney...this don’t even sound like KLM how now??....We have school work and I have a child( I lied) to go back to so I know British airways has flights and you guyz can work something out with them...I don’t care what you guyz do but am gettin the hell out of here tonight so please if u cant help me let me speak to your boss now!!

KLM: Iam just doing my job as told and my boss is not here now! So let make this short by telling me what time Friday. Same time right?

Me: What the hell is ur name first of all??...KLM is an international company and I was not expecting such bullshit!! So let me speak to your manager cuz you are not gettin any shit done!! And what criteria did you even use to decide that I and my girl are gonna be the ones to miss the flight!!!?? Age? You decided two 20 something year olds don’t have important shit to do huh?? please explain to me how you came to that decision? Im very curious!!

KLM: Ma'am relax! It’s a government controlled thing we don’t have any choice but to abide so I suggest you give me permission to reserve your Friday tickets! Besides too may people flew today for the inaguaration that messed things up!

(it takes atleast 16 hrs to get to DC what is he talkin about???? but at that time adding one plus one seems like a cryptic quiz!)

Me: Gover...who??? I don’t give a shit about the govt am fucking American so don’t tell me no govt bullcrap!! Am calling my embassy right now and you guyz are in for a surprise!!!...I asked what the hell is ur name first off???? ALA!! KLM makes billions I bet you won’t mind sparing a few on a law suit cuz this right here is unacceptable....let me talk to someone besides you!!

KLM: Well, If your embassy can get you a ticket for tonight go ahead!...we can’t much about it and am the only one in the office tonight!!

Me: No u didn’t just say that!! How much do you even make on that job to be disrespecting me like that????. I fucking paid money for those tickets so do not fucking talk to me like that....I need ur fucking boss...they don’t teach you folks no customer service..this is that bitchassness rudeness you guyz get away with everyday!...you don’t know how the hell I planned my freaking schedule so u cant tell me when I leave the goddamn country. My ticket said 10:15 tonight and that’s what it’s gonna stay trust me!! Don’t tell me no Friday!! Do you know what my plans were Friday?? No! so u best get started on looking for an alternative airline
(BA,Emirates, Ethiopian, Delta..theres fucking over 20 airlines!)

By this time I was gettin frustrated and I was thinking of throwing that cell phone on top of the roof ,something I always do and end not solving much. Pissed was not the word to describe me then !! My girl now grabs the phone from me! Iam walkin up and down the compound just cussing!!So there iam my thoughts going back and forth thinking like damn ........
If we leave on Friday am flying first-class!! and am gettin a limo ride to my fucking house...these mafakers don’t know who they fucking wit!!...ati embassy!! who the fuck....u don’t talk to me like that!! these manerless men....but wait....hmmmm.i don’t know if I shud be happy or sad now....besides I would love to stay longer and drink a lil bit more viceroy...besides its Tuesday...K1 jazz night it wont hurt!!...damn no ive missed two weeks of school...I miss my little brother....am tired of this heat...I need to get the hell outa here...il miss my friends...one more night at Tamasha wont hurt...right about now Mwendaz sounds cool...am trippin. All my friends saw me act a damn fool on the phone..damn I really need anger management...but that nigga was talkin smack!!..right?....right!.

So after like five minutes my friend brings back the phone and whispers to me.." He has actually gotten tickets for us but you have to apologize to him please girl" Am like "For fucking what!!". After much beggin I decided to 'apologize'

KLM: Madam, you are very rude! I need an apology before I get your tickets. So you guyz will fly tonight it looks....(sigh)

>>NIGGA PLIZ..WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS!...DAMN I GOTTA SWALLOW MY PRIDE!>>

ME: Hmmm yeah okay am sorry for flipping off and all but u know u that was testing us u were doing. Am very sorry sir ( No I aint!!!)

KLM: Okay. Apology Accepted. I will need you to write down your confirmation number..it is...

Me: Hold on lemme get a pen...ey yo! anyone got a pen....( everyone was nowhere to be found..so I grabbed one in the kitchen) Okay go ahead sire am ready

Fake ass KLM biatch: U ready?? K............I.............S............S.........100

Me: Huh...Kiss 100...???!!! Oh shit!!

KLM: Haha this is Shaffie Weru on Kiss fm and youve been pranked!! hahaha

crickets*crickets*crickets*

I HANGED UP AND FELL ON THE FLOOR!!!

Now everyone comes out from hiding (bursting out laughing and in dibelief)...nowander they were acting weird all this time. They didn’t make any comments about our cancelled flight!...No comment on anything whatsoever and they call themselves maboyz and magirlz tehehehe??!!. Everyone was dying on the floor laffing !! and I was left there sorta embarrassed cuz all that time I was that cool chic with reasonable drama ...they got to see my other side that I hate. The side that I seriously want to get rid off but just cant. But that dude tested my patience what would you have done??????? My girl was also in disbelief!! not knowing what to say.....I just went to my room to do some yoga cuz I culd have sworn my heart beat tripled. I turned red despite my new acquired tan!! wawawawawawawa

Shaffie: Helooo....ey chic sema!! I didn’t know u were mkali like that?? waaaaaaaah

Me: Nigga please!! I aint even talkin to you...WHAT!! you don’t do that to me mayne..thought we was deeper than that!!

Shaffie: Men, my bad its ur boyz! Ebu uliza them they set you guyz up!.... Ebu Say KISS 100 you got me!

Me: Fuck that!! Okay kiss yall got me..shaffie weru ur a biatch!!

Im still trying to acquire the audio and post it up...and im hoping that no one heard it on KISS fm i think the next two days. I bet they did alot of editing since i said all the cursewords in the book... Shame on me!! LOL

Im the prankster of the world and the fact that my boyz were able to pull a prank on me still haunts me today!!....but this was just a very good goodbye for after that we got really drunk and headed to the airport bar and orderd more drinks. We hugged and kissed and it was goodbye till we meet again!...sob sob :-(

25 oh so not random things about KD*........

2009-02-10T12:58:00.000-08:00

The longest list ive ever written

1. Im the greater LEO by birth. Very impatient,arrogant,boisterous, bossy and like to see things running my way..Attention is my last name!! My ego is up there with the gods and i find it very difficult sometimes to swallow (get ur mind out the gutter fool!)...my pride that would be and i have lost some good friends and opportunities just because of these above traits. Oh yeah im also a first born! Im working on turning the above traits around thus improving my interpersonal relations

2. I tend to be a social chameleon. I do not necessarily fit into any group for i have such wide interests and believe i can pretty much find anything in common with anyone. Please don’t mistake that with being an ass kisser or a 'know it all' (haha)! Okay i just might not fit with Rock n rollers cuz they wear that black eye liner and look all devilish but trust i know a few or two about Led zeppelin and KISS!

3. Putting the cart before the horse would be my thing. I like looking at the final product/results then working my way backwards. I aim for the big things in life and don’t believe in saving the best for last. Practical example: One time i bought a bottle of Smirnoff that came with a smaller smirnoff gift bottle (nakuamtt anyone?) I opened the bigger one first and everyone was quite amazed at that...reason is i shud have started with the smaller one and work my way upwards... Not KD*! and thats why im totally broke now but rockin a Louis bag! and please don’t confuse it for retail addiction!

4. If i were to be a flower, i would be a sunflower. The sunflower follows the movement of the sun all day making it so much alive! Funny enough the Sunflower is also the flower of the Leo horoscope i came to find out.

5. Relationships for me are either 100% or 0% i don’t do in-betweens since i have such high expectations and would rather not be disappointed. Im a passionate soul and i can easily be loyal and loving when in a relationship where i feel loved and secure. However, i can become vindictive or bitter when i am scorned. Small boys without thick skin needn't apply.

6. Six is my lucky number...but i think ill switch it to 5 cuz I haven’t been getting any luckier

7. I believe i was Nefertiti in my past life! I seriously don’t know where that came from. Call me crazy but i think i was once a Nubian Queen.

8. Don’t know if i should share this but in my sleep i am able to astral project sometimes induced sometimes not. Google that for more extensive explanation.

9. Whoever came up with 25 things in definitely not a college student! or just have so much time on those corporate computers!! Seriously that company shud consider blocking FB cuz I did see this shit there!

10. Im so addicted to 4-6 packs!! as in a guy that works out and has a nice body just does it for me! That means he takes care of himself good and very likely to take care of his woman too.

11. Okay im sittin in the Library typing this (how lame) and some dude just handed me a card with his number and a website and walked away. Let me investigate then il know if i can share...it just might be a porn sight! Cuz someone had the nerve to tell me i could pass for one of 'em ATL 'dancers' (strippers) and they thought they was complimenting me...i slapped them silly!! Oh damn its one of those catalog websites,..and here iam thinking im such a fine dime!! damn anyways .........next!

12. I like me an intelligent guy with the brains and all but sometimes some street cred wont hurt a down with jones (Dow Jones) type of brother. Im not saying hood status like pulling caps in niggaz asses n shit or crazy big glasses urkel typo nerd. Somewhere in between...its kinda sexy to know a lil bit about Russian war history.

13. Interestingly my first ménage trios involved me and two other felines! Damn shud i even write this for i will need security clearance on my Federal Job....Talk about setting myself up for failure. Anyhoo if two perfectly fine…only one was finer! women were devoted to take me to heaven and back who im I to object. Lets just say cunnilingus was that days vocabulary. After the work out we all destroyed a whole chicken cuz the munchies aint no joke now!!...and just for the record I didn’t eat!

14. Recently i just found out that ive been spelling 'definitely' wrong my entire life..ive been spelling 'definately'. Now thats a serious offense for someone said to have graduated h school with honors. I don’t know if i should blame the fucked up American education system especially going to a dominantly black school that was obviously not the best or my mother for not reading and correcting my essays. Im just mad at that even though its one of the words that is frequently misspelled…and me being the queen of typos!!

15. Call me bourgeoisie but one thing i cannot stand is ignorant matherfakers that know they ignorant and they think its so dope ! especially on college campuses. People that don’t know the simplest things like who Nelson Mandela is OR what language is spoken in Brazil OR where Calcutta is piss me the fuck off!! There is no excuse for you not knowing who your governor is unless you live in rural Colombia. There’s something called Google that has made it so easy to access mad info...get wid it already! (this is to black folk..i aint even gonna lie) so circa 68! When Luther King died ,that bullshit should have ended! ( im not saying in a genius and all….which I am anyways)

16. I have this witty sense of humor that i think is kinda funny. If you are slow you will never get any of my jokes because they are ivy league manufactured. That means i greatly appreciate people that think im like the funniest person ever..even as i pretend not to know how funny i am. I read somewhere men don’t fancy witty women and they are quite intimidating... . I just cant seem to stop on those puns, oxymorons*, satires, irony and enough of sarcasm to feed a whole village. Goddamn now im cockblocking myself!! How sad 

17. Goddamn this list is long!....My mom just called me a second ago telling me the internet a home is not working. For some reason my mom thinks im taking some engineering type shit cuz everything anything breaks in that house I somehow know the formula to fix it! Only when pops is home then i have my rest! How im I suppose to cook, clean and be Larry the cable guy...!! Being a firstborn and smart has it benefits and all but sometimes its tiring…. ( Now u can tell im running outa things…chillax homes im just getting started…NOT!)

18. I have no feelings whatsoever for men that disrespect, degrade and do all sorts of nasty things to women thinking they are fulfilling their destiny according to the chronicles of ( insert some BS traditional African title). Fuck that shit!! If you still beating on your woman in this time and age you need some castration with a blunt object. Call me a feminist but i don’t take bullshit from anyone, especially from chauvinistic men. Everyone was created equal says the laws of my land so take ur BS somewhere else!...vision 2030 should involve something about Gender equality on some real shit...trust me to be on it!

19. Iam currently doing my undergraduate in International Studies with a minor in business. I wasted a year and a half of my college life trying to become what my parents wanted me to become. Sucks!! but at least it wasn’t that late! Im still on track!

20. Its never that serious! Thats my saying for 2009. Iam trying to live by example and being the first born learning the world does not revolve around me....no more biatch tantrums for little miss sunshine I say! Can i get an Amen!...

21. I like Strawberry everything....especially ice cream. Some stupid research i read shows that women that choose strawberry over chocolate or vanilla tend to like women more than men. I thinks its total baloney...but yes! yes! I’m so getting me a sundae right now!!

22. Music is indeed food for the soul. I listen to all types of music but I love neo- soul, r&b and those slow songs that just make u wanna go uumphhh!! Lol I’m not a hopeless romantic...just something about these songs move me!! Read Jodeci, jagged edge, usher, anthony hamilton, next, xscape, donell jones and em 1999' cats!

23. Nyama choma!!! I like i like i like i like...This is the only time i put my 'girly girl' to the side and pick the biggest bone and indulge. I especially love the fatty parts of the goat meat and show it no mercy!! I just love barbequed goat meat!!

24. Scuba Diving- I wanna do that one day especially in the deepest of the seas probably on the Australian coast. I’ve always been scared of a water death like drowning in the Bermuda triangle n shit like that so i take it Scuba will help me face my fears of the water and also i like that underwater life its soooooo cooool!!
25. My phobia includes bad sex*, spiders and bad kissers. If you can’t kiss trust then it’s gonna stop right there...cuz that prolly means u can’t do other things right too that also happen to involve the mouth!....and yes hotluv was a good kisser but not the best on my list of the few that have tasted my cherry chapstick! Haha

Im taggin the top 5 people to reply to this if they haven't been tagged already.
You are suppose to now write 25 random things about you..be as creative as you can and make us laugh!

How cud she be so Dr. Evil??!.........

2009-01-31T13:13:00.000-08:00

My condolences goes to the families of the victims from the recent fires in my beloved country. May God rest their souls in peace.....

sadly LIFE still goes on.....

Im sittin here in my room trying to figure out how to summarize one month happenings into a few posts. So much iish went down dont know what to leave out. Day one went a lil some like this.....

As soon as we landed JKIA 9:35pm Kenyan time, it was almost one of those internal agreements that Kenchic would be the next destination. Bought a full REAL chicken ( Im used to candle wax tasting like food here), three french fries, seven farmers choice sausages yummy!! and ten packets of Ketchup. I was actually pissed that they sold Ketchup! who does that?? Only in Kenya...soon they will be selling plates and forks too and renting the eating space!!. Destination Kasuku Center!! We hadnt seen our apartment yet and i was dying with curiosity as to what it looked like. It wasnt bad actually. We could function there for a month despite the non existent jacuzzi that i was hoping to spend most of my hangover mornings detoxifying the alcohol in my system from the drunk nights to follow.

I was extremely tired from the flight but that didnt fly with our buddies they had other intentions that i didnt wanna partake in but was forced to due to popular demand of my presence. Besides i came to put on for my city ...quite a formula for debauchery. It was decided that we would start at Mwendaz then go with the flow from there. The thing about Kenyans that i found quite interesting, they never PLAN!!. Usually by Wednesday i would know what i would be gettin into in the coming weekend, what id be wearing, who wud be getting lucky, where id be eating...as in every detail of my pre-planned weekend off, would be calculated and the only thing to change that would be the weather or some unavoidable circumstances..which never occur anyways! Not Kenyans!!...i kinda liked that free feeling of not gettin attached to certain events, people (read: charity bake sales, 5k marathons, friends birthdays arghhh etc).. they just let just things flow with the mood!!! Quick shower, picked some gray jeans and a cleavage revealing black top, finished off with some killer 'fuck me' Jimmy Choos that i regret even putting in my luggage! Talk about overdressing! Off we went to that dingy place that started looking good as soon as we took a shot of 'AMBULANCE'. Whoever came up with the idea of putting tabasco sauce with vodka has to be a sick individual!!...lets just say that was the beginning of things.

After a few 'cocktails' and listening to homeboy trying to spit game, crooked Q'z was game.We managed to down a bottle of Viceroy and tear up the dance floor with our latest dancehall moves. It was me, my girl M whom i flew in with, her ex DP and his friend MB. It was one of those pre- planned moves that i would automatically endup with MB since the exes had to catch up. KD* dont roll that way!!....in 3 minutes i had the fella figured out and clank clank the padlock went! it was a wrap!Looks had nothing to do with it either....needless to say i was having a good time till we closed the upstairs bar and we were being kicked off the upstairs part for the party was moving down and eventually out the door. Everyone was pretty much out of it, especially my girl who had taken two ambulance shots and a concoction of other drinks. Thank God for the two fellas for they were put to use when they held her by each arm draggin her outside. I followed behind closely. I was kinda tipsy but very aware. I actually liked the state i was at. I usually squint my eyes when im drank to get a good look of everyone around me. As i was passing the bar heading out, i made sure i was looking right at everyone so just theyd know the Sheriff is in town and they best recognize.

Then finalement the most unpredictable thing happened! I caught her looking at me...fuck...the good one!!. I recognized those eyes!! It was her and i could tell she had recognized me too. FUCK...the bad one! Last time we spoke i had told her i would be landing a week later than that day,which was indeed a lie..(reason was my paranoia had the best of me...besides who meets peeps of FB!! def not me!!). At that moment none of that mattered. She was gorgeous!! even better than her pictures.It was the same chick from Facebook and this post whom i now call 'hotluv'. She called out my name just to make sure it was me!...she then held my waist gently and embraced me. She then looked straight into my eyes and for a second i actually bit my lower lip just to make sure it was real (Nah im playin)...Shawty on my mind. She then gave me those sex eyes like i cud have you right now, right here...i blushed a drew the map of Cuba (Rauuuuuuul) on the cement floor with my Choos (u get the drift,,she had me cornered). Hotluv took it that i wanted her (which i sorta did, maybe not! Ok i was a damsel in distress ..and needed my King to...or is it Queen..ok im done! LOL) and maintained carresing me on my bare skin now that my shirt had risen, due to atmospheric pressure LMAO!. Fuck this poetry shit...im not Maya Angelou cuz all im tryna say is shawty was a 20!.....and a half and she was gettin to me!

What! things like this only happen in the movies! They say Nairobi is a small city so it just happened she was there when i was there and that ws that. I thought the wine i had on my flight had an effect, she had double effect and i recalled some of the things we had talked about on the phone..in great detail. I had her math saved up on my phone already so i promised her i would suprise her with a phone call as soon as i acquired me a local number which i needed ASAP!! We then disappeared to Kenchic to do some more damage!! After fighting with those BS wachies for 10 minutes we finally touched base. Everyone obviously had an awesome time, oblivious of what my holiday was about to turn into. I went to bed with a big stupid grin on my face as i remembered how hot and bothered i had gotten infront of miss thang!! Until her, no one had that effect on me!! I had it that good..unpahzed and all!...but all great reigns come to a fall..and there was mine!...trust me when i say!...it was for the better for what followed next....

Mind you, that was just DAY 1

TO BE CONTINUED

On my playlist

Unaaaa.. Haunaaa- P-Unit,DNA
"Kaa mbali na mimi usiniambukishe ujinga!, asanti sana"

I joined the Mile high club....Not!...rather my Kenyan trip...

2009-01-28T17:56:00.000-08:00

Photo taken by: Kenya's Dopest Chic
Route: New Jersey - Amsterdam, 12 Dec 2008
Ticket price: $1,358
Flight duration: 8h 00m
Class: economy
Aircraft: Boeing 747-400
Meal: Dinner - Teriyaki Chicken with Mashed Potatoes, Veggies, Side salad and a roll.
Drink: Water,*Red& Wine*, Pepsi
Overall Comments: I was crazy about plane food the first time i flew when i was like 14yrs old. It was indeed something to hold the stomach but nothing to blog about which i did anyways. The red wine tho had me on cloud ten!!..I don't know if there's any direct correlation with alcohol and nyeges but trust, if there was a cute guy next to me i would certainly be on the mile high club. My best friend J was next to me and trust that sector was new to me at that moment...lets leave it at that fellas lest i spoil the upcoming hot confession!

Like i said that air food was so bland that the first place i went to as soon as i touched base was good old Kenchic for some REAL chicken and chips and tomato sauce/ketchup..whatever the difference be..i always thought it was the same thing! Apparently not!. This place saved the day, rather the nights!!...we managed to cook 5 out of the 40 days we were there. I had diarrhea all week one because of this so called place. Them sausages was irresistible and u know 'Americans' don't have limits! Kama iko kwa wingi iko..so i was downing like 5 of them at once. Such a damn shame!!

So we rented a Two bedroom apart somewhere in Kile close to Kasuku Center. I never knew anything named Kasuku wud be of great importance but it did especially when explaining to the taxi driver at 5 am where you live. The place wasn't that bad only they had this bullshit watchmen that would not let taxis in the building and walking from the gate was kinda far especially in stilettos but we found a way to deal with them and not one day did i see myself walking!...

On a very good day it ended up looking like this. On a very bad day u dont wanna know!!...I actually have a confession this day our cleaning lady whom we pay great respect to had just left. Otherwise it looked like Sodom n Gommora with Viceroy and the rest on the table! and please dont get me started on that Vice...ala! i actually met my future husband while.......im actually gonna stop here before i mess it up for me!

Where the Magic took place. Mke Nyumbani AKA me myself and i definitely threw down!!

Like i sed. Homegirl was on a mission. No i wasnt making salsa, i was actually cooking some beef stew. Final product was downed before i could take a pic sorry! :-(

Well im really not gonna complain about this bathroom since when i went to shaggz i had to do it the traditional way!! Not the river stupid!! The whole basin thingie...arghhhh. I so wasnt feeling this bathroom at all...my usual 2 hrs baths were turned into 10 minute showers AKA "kuoga passport" i came to find out. LOL

I was trapped in the closet!!...literally

This was my girls J room... *no comment to the kinda noises i heard from here**

Gotta stay fresh bana!!...

Well well...Queen Bee had to get the better room. Now this here is where i rested my throne after painting the city all sorts of colours!! ( Oh no i just said COLOURS) damn staying in Kenya rubbs off now im even speaking British like English and my lil bro thinks i have an accent!!
As for who what when...I DONT KISS AND TELL!!

This couch has seen more ass that J.Lo's booty shorts!!....Trust i had my own room so no fishy business for me here!!..We named it the 'lust nest' for thats where our unwelcome to spend the night guest ended up sleeping with company. I think we had to turn the pillows upside down due to visible stains. What!!...i think i saw Vaseline stains once before.

**So that were all settled down the adventures begin**
COMING SOONEST

:On my play list:

Klepto feat Ulops- P.s.y.c.h.o.!!

When Kisumu became a sity!!...yawa!!

2009-01-28T17:47:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps...sorry for the silence. Iam taking my time to put together my upcoming fiery storos...zile zakumtoa nyoka pangoni..!!....seriously school work has been on my neck and i cant get anything non-academic done(missed 2 weeks of school)...NIKO DOWN bana working on my Sonko endeavors LOL learnt that in Nai. Today i had to write a 5 page paper on the San people!!! i even memorized a few click languages!! umkhonto we sizwe!! Thank God im back to being celibate.....ahem. My Socialate status is suffering vibaya sana!!! otherwise all is gravy. Will leave you with this beautiful poem i just got in my email dubbed Kisum City....Enjoy!

When Kisum bekem a siiti,Louis Otieno bekem Lari King

When Kisum bekem a siiti,Obama became a Seneta and Kogelo village become municipality,

When Kisum bekem a siiti,lek victoria bekem an osen

When Kisum bekem a siiti, all the mbuta in the lek bekem wales

When Kisum bekem a siiti,all fising boats bekem sips

When Kisum bekem a siiti all omena bekem saks
When Kisum bekem a siiti,all fisamen became sip captens

When Kisum bekem a siiti, Gidi Gidi Maji Maji bekem Boys-To-Men OMera

When Kisum bekem a siiti, Mercy Myra bekem Jennifer Lopez

When Kisum bekem a siiti, Achieng Abura bekem Queen Latifah
Soult i.... bt do we Say....

when Obama became presitent..... all luo's became AmeriKans

Raila become Prime Minister of Africa

Kisumu city become New York super City Yawa

Nyanza province became Nyanza DC (like Wasington DC )

Ida Odinga become Hilary Odinga

Fidel Castro Odinga become George Bush Jnr Castro Odinga

River Nyando become Mississipi

Lake Victoria become Atlantic osen

All boda boda in Kisumu become Hummers

....and im back!!

2009-01-22T09:42:00.000-08:00

A blast would be an understatement. My time in Kenya cannot be compared to anything. Nairobi is the new HAVANA not the pub full of white folk in westie but the capital of CUBA....city of sin that is. ope u will stay tuned for my moto moto stories....including the girl on girl action shiit....warrrrrrr
If anyone listens to homeboyzradio me and my girl J were featured on my block on Thursday...which was supposedly Kile...haha we repped it was fun listening to myself on radio.

Please listen to that show by Shaffie weru today Friday... i thinks its at 5.20 when they do the whole prank thingie. as in i never get pranked but this one did it for me. I left Nairobi with a blast. Nonetheless imma be back...anyways i have so much school work to catch up i wont write in a few days. KD* is officially back. mwah!!

Public Service Announcement!!

2008-12-15T00:07:00.000-08:00

KD* is the new sherrif in Nairobitown. Damn!! internet is slowsky here but i will update once this diarrhoea goes away!!
Goddamnit this place is hot as f**ck.
Its been 4 days ive already frequented the whole of Nairobi clubbing
Sohos
Casablanca
Changes
Mwendwas(dingy as HELL!!)
Madd house

Im more of a grown and sexy lounging type of club...someone recommended mercury?? Not sure but do holler at ur girl...i need to know where to go when??

Oh i think she likes me??..............

2008-12-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

Facebook!....so i log in on my account and get a message from this chic who i think saw my PRIVATE page on another buddys page i had left a comment. She was actually very preety this is one of those game recognize game kinda thing...so i was like hmmm okay?..lemme see where this is going....

Her: ur so pretty.dont ask...jus thot u shud know.

Me: Well ...thanks alot...

Her: aww u replied..that shows ur sweet too.:-). are u a model?

Me: Hahah well....im trying to get into modelling ...U are cute urself...the nose ring i likes

Her: how dyu see the nose ring?u mean u can see my profile?so are u kenyan cz of the name *****.. and u know ray my boy.crazy ass nigga..

Me:Yeah you can see my pics too since i replied to ur message.(damn!, maybe i shud have never let her in on that) Yes im Kenyan&Ethio . Ray is cool peoples!!....crazy indeed!
i have a nose ring too....thats why i noticed it..

Her:omg!girl u have a killer body.this is jus wrong am lookin at ur pictures in a way i shudnt.. fuck!

Me: LMAO!! u CRAZY girl....Go ahead tho i aint mad at you.......

Her: hahaha ive chekad sana dudes are arguing over ur pictures..u noticed that?thats some funny shit!!u in kenya btway?ur sayin ur tryna get into modellin why the fuck are u 'tryin' it shud be pretty easy for u hun.. by the way ive drooled its not even funny.

Me: Lol those dudes are stoopid like that!! I dont pay them no mind...
Well i live in ***** which is kinda country but im thinking of moving to NYC or LA not decided yet,,,i cant do much where i am. I will be in Kenya soon for a vacation..im soo excited!. U seem preety cool...are u bi by anychance?....

Her:whose the crazy ass girl now..haha.what do you think?

Me: Haha u got my tongue here!...i cant tell..but the fact u spoke to me out the blue says alot...ur quite daring..so i wouldnt be surprised....are you tho?

Her: yeah.. i am.is this the part where u say see ya?

Me: LOOOOOOOOOL funny. Why would i tho? Actually i think its preety hot!....its on my list of things to do someday sometime...ive just never gotten to it yet. Girls who like girls....nice!

Her: hahaha..ur kiddin me girl.. i can bet my life uve done some bisexual shit... first admit then il tell u how i know

Me:Look at you tryna flip the script. Im serious....i have never indulged.....so what exactly do u know??...this is getting interesting...

I meant to ask her what she knows about me; having alot FB of friends in common with her....did she hear something maybe??....she got the message all wrong cuz she thot i was asking her what she knows how to do...nonetheless here is her reply

Her: wat do i know?bout women?so much baby..so so much.wen u come down i cud probably show u.. i am sure uve done some bi stuff cz overly sexxy women tend to have that side in them..and ur overly sexxy,u got that wild side.i can tel u like to try out new things.. oh plus u know (insert name of a popular rebel queen)..thats crazy ryt thurr:-)

The rest of thr message is too graphic.....actually NOT. I had a class to catch so i said nice talkin to you we shall catch up. WTF!~!!!!!!!!!!
baby?? how did i go to baby in less than 30 minutes....well we shall see!

KD* just hit bank$$!!....not in a good way tho!!

2008-11-12T14:11:00.000-08:00

If you work in a customer service oriented field, such as restaurants,retail or bank stop cursing out customers to their face but under your breath when you’re actually talking loud as hell. We can hear you....!! Especially when the customer only asked you to get something that is in your job description.Indeed, nearly all of us have experienced hassles while out shopping, on the phone with a service provider or when dealing with any number of other customer service representatives. As rude as they are, id rather deal with their bullshit than trying to get service in Kenya. Hehe! customer service in Kenya now thats a whole different ball game. In short its inexistent. People in Nairobi are naturally rude and subscirbe to the notion that city people are mean in general....triple that for Nairobians.

Kenyan banks!! i dread. Last time i was in certain bank in town, I had to give the teller chic a piece of my mind and she didnt appreciate!. You dont go around discussing your weave and what you and your man plan on getting into when there are customers around waiting for service. Im certain that chic remembers my full names after i politely put her in her place for trying to get smart with me. The "customer is always right" rule clearly does not apply anywhere in the southern hemishpere.

Now im back to dealing with Kenyan banks again. This time its not even funny. I was actually surpised that i got more than i bargained for. About three weeks ago my dad sorta kinda forced me to open this Kenyan account, which i thought was unecessary but who im i to argue with Mr. Perfectionist. Last time i visited home it was such a hassle operating with my bank since only a few banks fuck with mastercard so my pops decide i should open a local account in advance or just to have it under my name for whatever reasons i dont know. This specific bank has such good reps in the diaspora that i even overheard some mathes talking about it after church, people writing about it online. The bank even had a stand during the SanDiego rugby sevens where people could open one. Anything to make my supposed upcoming trip easy, i was down. I do the usual and send all the required documents to the bank and kawaida forget about it.

Approximately a week later, im awakaned by my vibrating phone. My alarm?? no way its only 7am... shit its an unknown call. I usually pick those up cuz they might be from fam in Kenya. Besides the accent giving it away i was like, "Yeah, that would be sire...and me whose this"?. "This is so and so im calling from tadada bank". "Oh Hello!! you musta got my package then?". "Yeah we did, we just had a minor problem with ur picture it wasnt that clear". Okay? "We need u to send a new one then after a week we can process everything". Under my breath im like f**k "Is there another way cuz i dont have another week"..i lie...the dude goes.. "well, you can send it to my work email im actually at work so if i get it now we can do it". "Oh forreal....thats wasup! hold on im 5 minutes youll get my pic"..... I jump out of bed immediately jump onto yahoomail and quickly browse, attach pics hit send...DONE!!. Call my homegirl up since im already awake to get some info on some apartments we were looking at, before getting ready to school.
While were talking i see an unknown call coming thru..so im like "hold on lemme see who this is". Happens to be the bank dude. I tell my girl imma put you on 3 way just be quiet its some guy from the bank i had told u about. ..he goes " Niaje...wawawawawa..ati is that ur picture..??" Im like.. "yeah oh that was kinda quick u gat i already?". Hes like " Yeah....damn unakaa poa!!" Im like errr umm well okay thanks hehe(nervous laugh)... Is the account open tho?? Hes like "yeah it is"...im like "okay sawa then". My attention getter friend being the flirt she is, goes ahead yapping ati we even look better in person!!.... ati how old are you?? are you cute?? sijui where do you live? send US your pic. A two minute convo tunred into 40 minutes courtesy of the banks phone lines tsk tsk!! . I obviously uninterested was just doing my thing on the side acting like im listening. I think the guy could not really tell who was talking so he thought me and my friend were equally smitten or i dont know what she told her. Since my email is being used. Guy sends pics, me forwards pics, girl thinks hes not cute (maybe i shuda never looked at them cuz i peeked, no comment!), she dont send her pics. The next few days he sends me those stupid forward emails which piss me off. I just decide to ignore them. Homeboy here decides to break the silence

BEAUTIFULFriday, November 7, 2008 11:22 PM
From: ******co.ke>Add sender to Contacts

Dear ****

May be these is absurd crazy or anything you may call it, I know you are Avery beautiful charming sweet lady an am 99% sure that you have your other half.

But let me admit you have always been in my mind since the day we talked on phone is almost your age but older than you with 2yrs my cell number is 0724******

Kindly furnish me with your mobile number because I called your house last time and your Mum Picked the phone nilifrik Sana

Please please communicate

Thanks

****,

Okay dude!! How did you know how old i was?? Oh yeah i guess i put it on my application form but i didnt remember me and him discussing age. So i lenga that message. But he does to give up he writes again

Sema...Saturday, November 15, 2008 3:51 AM
From: "****.co.ke>Add sender to Contacts

Hope you are okay

Just saying hae you did not reply my mail

****,

I lenga that one too. Hoping by now he would have gotten the point. hint hint! wapi?
I get a call from yet another slacker i was doing money transfer with who has ties to the bank informing me that my trasnfer was succesful and its this much amount. Im here thinking im taking advantage of the failing dollar kumbe im gettin punked! I find out my account is in $ instead of Kshs!! okay that dont make no sense!! so i decide to write to the only guy thats gettin shit done here.

Hi, How have u been ?.... My account was supposed to be in Kenya Shillings not Dollars. The dude in ****** just called me and informed me. So please do me a favour and see if u can switch that up. You can call me to inform me if it was possible okay?. Thanks alot dear!!

Dont get it twisted now, my use of the word dear was to just be nice and i do that to everyone i talk to i was a minute for writing babe till i realized this is some weird dude but i was just appreciating the fact that hes communicating, something im not used to going back to the whole service thing in Kenya.

After that he called me yesterday while i was on the phone with the same damn chic who is at this point just laughin at me. It comes as unknown so pick it up its him!! shit what does he want now? I put her on 3 way quick to listen to what she done got me into. This time she know better shes quiet.
"hello??!"... "Its your boy nani" now hes using his name.."sema!". Im like oh "hey wsup everything iko poa right?"..hes like "yeah i was just calling to let you know i couldnt switch the account, you gonna have to open a new one sorry". Damn not again. Hes like.. "just fill up the first page and ill take care of the rest for you". Totally ignoring the creepy emails. He goes...otherwise how have u been? "Im good" i respond. He goes ahead "also i wanted to tell u about this is dream i had"...OH SNAP!! when did we start having dreams shit!! okay....well he stutters. Im like "go ahead whats the dream" (with the sternest voice ever.. you should hear me)...hes like "well theres people here". i go.. "dreaming is a natural thing so if you think i must know then go ahead!! arhghhhhh ( Now hes pissing me off). Hes like okay ill send it to ur email today. Im like oh ok well im kinda busy so bye. I was actually on the line so i say good bye and hang up. Today i log in my yahoomail and indeed the boy did have dream and big ones for a matter of fact. he had written

*******co.ke>Add sender to Contacts To:

Dear *****,

I must admit that I enjoyed my dream yesternite and these is my message to you of what come into my mind looking forward to meet you soon. I have framed your pictures and they hang in my bedroom. I look at them everyday.

To love abundantly is to live abundantly and love forever is to live forever

I think you are the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh,

I feel as if the Bridge is now less obscure and timidity is vastly vanishing into oblivion at the behest of love. Love is breaking the jokes of solitude believe you me

And behold I have a feeling that Bachelors club is doomed. you are naturally beautiful it will only take

A wooden heart to resist the charm and charisma in you

CELL 0724******

Sincerely ******
SOB SOB that was actually kinda sweet..but you know the dude knows ZERO info about me and im really surpsised you can have such deep feelings for someone youve never met. So my best guess is the guy is poetically talented and thats just that...dude can throw down some words!

So here iam stuck between a rock and a hard place. NOT!! Ive always wanted to use that term haha. So im thinking of a reply thats very proffesional to tell him that i am not interested and sorry for the actions of my friend. The world is indeed small so this guy might just be one of our fellow bloggers or their friends so please tell ur boy its all gravy. I dont know why i feel so bad yet i didnt do anything wrong??!! And here i am thinking am the ultimate queen bee,,,maybe i do care..just a little. WHY MEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Omera!!!........ Kogelo man has done it..but do i say!

2008-11-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Obama day my fellow Kenyans!!!!.I wish we could take the day off and celebrate with you guyz but nah these haters aint having it!! As in they didnt even cancel classes so we could go vote. We still had to get up early stand in line for hours and did the damn thing. It was worth it tho'. Also all the freebies even though i didnt indulge, too far to drive for some damn ice cream in 50 degree weather. Ice cream, cofee, meals even in New York they gave out free vibrators for people that voted. You gotta love America tho for that. Despite the rain in my side of town( lol it was all up on CNN) and the ballots getting wet..NOTHING was going to stop us from exercising our rights!!. It was such an amazing feeling tho'....My first time ever in my young life to cast a ballot...now thats a big deal i think. WHAAAAAAAAAT!! The euphoria thats going down yall dont even know. It is the first time young Americans feel like part of the country and have a part to play in giving the country a better image to the world. If i recall four years ago Kerry Edwards Vs Bush Cheney no one i know really cared much for it!.... Im happy that HISTORY was made and i was part of it!! :-D
Gor ma kogelo biro! Apenji?? Well im 25% luo i dont speak the language whatsoever...

Some pics i took....

Now this was a defining moment for us...this being such a REDNECK state with alot or racist republicans!!...

The mood on my campus.......

U know n*** IS GONNA ACT A FOOL...ON CAMPUS!! Untill the police came

I WAS REPPIN HARD............

>

Most Important I VOTED!!!

Some of the extra funny texts i got.... Enjoy

Mc Donald's from now on shall be known as Mc Omena!!

Breaking news!! All kenyans living in the USA without Makaratasi to report to DMV for immediate status adjustement or call 1800 MAPAPER for questions.

Im in the emergency room im fine. I met a black man that voted for Mc Cain so the doctor is trying to remove my foot from his Ass!

Be sure to drink alot of water today. Youre gonna run into a lot of Salty Crackers! (Tehehe nowonder i was mad thirsty today!)

Ati stars za flag ya US ziareplaciwa na OMENA fifty..( this one had me on the floor)

A cargo ship with over 5000 tones of stones and rail uprooting equipment docks in Baltimore from KIBERA incase republicans rig the elections.

Word has that John Mcain contacted Raila to find out how to get power sharing with Obama. Raila simply told him, "you go to hell, Omera. But do i say?".

Joe the plumbers phone is off. Voice mail says " Call back later, im tryna clean up all this SHIT Mc Cain got me into!.

CNN BREAKING NEWS ALL WHITE PEOPLE MUST REPORT TO THE COTTON FIELDS TOMMOROW MORNING 7AM FOR ORIENTATION. COCO CHANEL !

GOD BLESS KENYA, GOD BLESS AMERICA, GOD BLESS THE WORLD....lets hope the best for President Barack Hussein Obama!
kd*

Sue me! Cuz i dont bite my tongue...and i dont intend to!

2008-10-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

Lets not forget October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Dedicated to education research and basically increasing awareness of the importance of early breast cancer detection. A moment of silence for the victims of this dreadful monster and their families.

Let’s use a “friend” for lack of a better word momentarily. This so called friend was caking me on the phone on those wee hours of the pm. We were discussing an upcoming group trip somewhere out of state so he asked me what day me and my girls plan to roll through and I am thinking to myself why everyone seems to think I have all the answers, for my friends were endlessly texting and calling me asking me for the day we are suppose to be leaving, what to wear and all that. He brought it to my attention that I am the Alpha female of the pack… I call the shots. It is partly true that I go by some self proclaimed titles (case and point Kenya’s dopest chick) that I expect my entourage to follow and tend to get really moody when someone doesn’t recognize game. I wonder how many hair pieces and dandruff and spit has been put into my food for being nasty at the waitresses at Apple Bees (the restaurant not strip place)…. Well more protein for me yaay!! All im tryna get at is that, there’s a way of being outspoken and expressing you opinions without being a B**** a word I totally hate when girls go around calling each other. My friends dare not so use it on me cuz it brings memories when my 1st love broke up with me for no reason, through a letter (you know those long distance h.school love letters) and used that B word!! I was 14 for God sakes…I’ve never let it go!!

You Are an Alpha Female

Powerful, confident, and successful - you are definitely a dominant force.

You control social and dating situations. It's clear that you're always in charge.

I get it people (especially AFRICANS) don’t like seeing empowered women that can stand up for themselves and speak their mind without hesitation or approval from the male species. Seems also that’s why these local newspaper writers were having a field day since the Kenyan Big brother Africa contender namely Sheila Kwamboka was evicted from the house. I have been catching all the action from the net and I’m not at all amused by some of the chauvinistic opinions by these MALE journalists. Such a COINCIDENCE huh? Sheila was an overly outspoken girl who let it be known what she was about without hesitation. No wonder she was stripped of her miss universe title. Beauty Queens are supposed to be dumb blondes that are only allowed to smile right (Ms. Teen South Carolina last year remember)?? Besides the heavy drinking and smoking, she was your average 23 year old, and I didn’t see any flaws. She parties hard, she is in school, very bright actually, she uses a few curse word here and there, don’t we all??Damn the girl was just cool as hell…can’t break it all down. So these fools went on a writing rampage about this new phenomenon.

I understand everyone is entitled to their opinion but some opinions dude!! I mean even if its freedom expression. With titles like: Why girls like Kwamboka are scary, Why Sheila ‘bounced’ out of BBA 3, Sheila: Not a kitchen girl. No shit Einstein! Its quite obvious Sheila is not a Kitchen girl….she is a COLLEGE girl ALAS do you live in a hole?!!!! Kwanza what the hell is a kitchen girl…are you a Shamba boy yourself?!!. Haha if you’re asking then its no, I don’t know Sheila personally but that still makes me wonder why they to make them so effing sexist. Lemme quote this cat here “she represented quite the un-ideal kind of woman for matrimony in the house. The worrisome thing is that Kwamboka represents the ‘true face’ of many of our 20-something girls, which is why a lot of guys are now going for 30-plus women”. Is this dude serious!! I don’t know about yall but I know at 20 something, marriage is the last thing on my mind, I’m not worried if I’m a “kitchen girl” or “Certified Wifey Material”. I’m busy paper chasing tryna see a Masters Degree and a possibly CEO title under my name in a couple years..and yes too a Kitchen in my own house!! Yet another BS quote. “And if you try to beat up a Kwamboka, she looks like she’ll severely fix you!” Did he say try to beat?? Damn right she will! Warr!! This dude has clearly not seen an episode of Snapped or needs a word or two from Nancy Grace. He still goes on yapping.... “I do not know about you, man, but if this is the New Generation of Nairobi woman, then you are better off going to the neighbouring towns of Jinja and Arusha — for brides you can have pride in.” So I take it that most of these men that express the above sentiments take women as objects. Like taking a donkey to the market and showing off to your friends how many tonnes of manure it can carry. I can already see this guy right here pitiaing a local after work for nyama choma, kachumbari and ugali then beating up mama nani saying the mokimo she fixed for dinner does not taste like his own mathes! Lol at Arusha so basically he is looking for a wife with zero intelligence. Imagine trying to discuss Obama with your wife and she dont have a clue...oh my bad politics is not for women rather for the village men when they are downing kumikumi..seriously style up dude!

We Africans have a very long way to go if we ever plan on repairing this huge social disparity between how men and women relate in our cultures. Gone are the days where women were inferior to man, where women belonged in the kitchen, where women were to be seen but no heard. Women like Condi Rice, Martha Karua Waangare Maathai, and Liberian President are great examples of women that are dominating im men related fields and have no intention of quitting any time soon. They show us that we can overcome those walls set upon us by our men favoring cultures. Im not saying be like Wangu wa Makeri but its time African women knew their place in society; Not behind but right BESIDE her man..and if she’s single ..POWER TO HER!! Respect is mutual my guy!

On my Play list
If I were a boy- Beyonce
Single Ladies- ^^(That chick that Hov wifed up!)

My Ideal man.....and the one that came almost close*

2008-09-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

Today I got into my reading mode and headed to Barnes& Nobles(a bookstore/Coffee shop) after class to get some alone time while trying to figure about this life thing...it sure aint easy cuz if it were, it would be a slut! I had two hours, enough time to brace through fashion magazines and Cosmo sex tips which just might come in handy when the lucky bustard comes thru! Happened to get a hold of the book WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES! Ha!! catchy name indeed, I read half of the book and I realized what I was doing wrong in my past relations with the Martians…it was quite funny for I could see myself in that book playing the “good girl” AKA damsel in distress role that got me the short end of the stick…I got to the middle of the book and I intend on finishing the it by the end of the week…yes I wont waste my hard earned dollars if I can read it for free while downing a mint mocha frappuccino and a mini donut! …and some expert advice on relationships is always useful.

THE MOST EMBARRASSING STORY…About a year and a half ago!

That got me thinking of how me and what’s his face got into it approx two weeks after he comes back from sea. After a Friday class I drop by for the second weekend in a row, only because he just got back from a 6 month deployment. Were both feeling hot and heavy its been 6 goddamn months, celibate and on the verge of loosing it( seen the “sexy love” video by Neyo?)!...i don't have to get into details do i now? We only took a break to grab some dinner and drinks, that specific night and it was Jamaican cuisine for I can remember at the end of the tragic night, the white walls and ceiling being covered with yellow/brownish substance called goat stew …which I recall very well was supposed to be my dinner… After having a few bites i realize my sailor is drifting into the air

the convo went a little something like this.....

Me: Dear, is something wrong?

E: Nah, I'm cool, just tired

Me: Cm on babe.., something about work, ...what is it? you can talk to me

E: (after along sigh)Oh... so how long are you intending to keep this from me??

Me: Okay…what is this about babe?

E: U know what u did while I was gone, don’t even front!

Me: Babe! What in the world is u talking about? Don’t even start messing up the weekend mood. if u gat something to say….say it!

E: There u go again wit ur acting skills…im not falling for ur lil games… I know uve been creeping huh?

Me: Wow , back to square one again?? I thought we already talked about that and we done moved on...where u gettin all this iish from..and did u have to wait till dinner you coulda told me not to waste my GAS and come over in the 1st place...this military shit must be fuckin with ur head forreal!.

E: Don’t even try to make it about me....this is about you and what you were getting into while I was overseas working my ass of to make u happy!

Me: What the hell did I do?? It would help if I knew what are getting worked up for! Cuz seriously I don’t have time for this anymore…. Its not like ur innocent either!

E: Im not even gonna get into details, i know what i saw...im done bullshitting .....i aint talkin bout it just Dipset!

Me: Fine!!!( Getting pissed!)... but look here!! If you gonna accuse me of something AT LEAST have proof in what ur saying...unless ur looking for a reason to start something?! ( Shit!! now im stuck wondering how did he found out me and T was kickin it last weekend.....nothing really happened, but should i just tell him we chilled and nothing happened?, No way!! hes gonna blow it outa proportion so il deny it till i see this proof…but I deleted all messages how the fuck did he know…did someone see me!!..!!!)...Crocodile tears! as i go upstairs and start packing my shit...i was gonna spend the weekend but fuck it if he wants to act like that. I come down stairs and I storm out the house( My heart is actually beating faster and faster as i race to my car and turn on the ignition) I remember I left my food I go inside and grab my food on his dresser!....

E: Hold on (my heart skips a beat) lemme see ur phone!

Me: Here!...Hurry up cuz seriously i gat things to do(making sure he catches a glimpse of my mascara and tears combined, im my heart im like shit..a playa always gets caught one day, guess to day is mines...its so over sob sob!)

E: Who is Neokabee??

Me: Say what!!!?? ( with the most surprised look in my face)

E: Explain this text then??.....

The message read:

Don’t you just love it how i go down on you

and make u extremely happy....

then i come back up and FUCK the shit out of you!!........
..............................................................................
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

-Sincerely Gas Prices!!-

How the food flew from my hands splattering a large portion of it allover the walls is still a mystery…all I know is that I was mad as hell an I..i mean he had to hold myself really tight not to slap the shit out of the son of a gun!! I actually thought my playeress days were over but shit…insecurity is indeed a biacth!!

It didn’t help either that my ace Nyokabi sent me that message!! since he thought Nyokabi was some macho dudes name that beat him to it!...i mean seriously how low can Negroes go!!.
For the non-kenyans (Nyokabi) is a female name from the kikuyu tribe...which wouldnt make any sense to get that kinda message from a female....

After a week of apologies ,flowers, cards and candy… I was DONE DONE DONE!!! My self esteem was like nah girl...time to roll out!

I realized I was dating my ideal guy as far as looks swagger and all that less important qualities are concerned but his IQ was very questionable…the dude gives Boris kodjoe a run for his money, and has a 10 pack and some fresh to def waves…I have to admit I was sprung but 2 years later i laugh that im glad this happened to me as a youngin, rather than when my biological clock is ticking . My lesson is you can never change someone into be what you consider ur ideal mate, also never date someone way below under ur standards be it based on finances, looks, intelligence whatever. Like DMX this dude didn’t even know who the hell Obama was I had to explain to him that he was running for president ( and he was Kenyan)…that should have been a warning sign for me…but he did know of a certain concoction that u supposedly spray on ur car plates and when the traffic light take pictures of your speeding car, they wouldn’t be able to process it for a ticket…fucking Naijas!!! Shuda listen to mama! but that was a good lesson learnt and hmmmm my wardrobe is something to look at! so i cant say i was all at loss..atleast i can look at the Chinchilla and smile!

So what is KD's my ideal man…..?
My ex boyfriends cute lil face, Preety boy ffloyd's body, Tome Cruise smile and eyes, Paul Pierce height and endurance, Bill Gates wallet, Jayz Swagga, Einstein Intelligence, Mr. Clean's Magic hands, Some random pornstars package..maybe not!
Lol ideal man is such a dream...im not sure i even like men anymore ughhh!! SO DONE!

"Stuck on the fence".....

2008-09-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

Wednesday!! my favourite day of the week. Simply because the working week is about to come to and end and were closer to the weekend...I can smell the Tequila shots already...well malibu for me cuz im such a light weight it aint even funny. Okay! so why in the world cant i find my posts on kenyan blogs unlimited? Before, i could usually see my blog dispalyed with mad typos, also i always attach pictures but i think someone from their team decided my blog aint worth ishhh and chucked it or my page is just trippin. While the "real bloggers" were blogging about secondary school strikes, Safaricom shares, and such, i was busy lamenting on the color of the toilet paper in my schools bathroom??
Give me a damn break!!

I know most of us in the diaspora try so much to keep up with the goings of out home country. Usually we get most of our news on the net. No news is sometimes good news for i cant keep up now!! I was utterly perplexed when i ran across the following news article on the standard, and i do believe the world is coming to an end very soon "Call girls preffer animals". WTF!!! I thought such deviant behaviour only occured south of the border aka Mexico. Ive heard people talking about videos of donkeys and horses involved in porn, and also on a loose episode on cheaters i saw a goat once come out of a room...some fetishes are downright sick&disgusting. What kinda imbecile(man) sat down one day and decided if women could just get ridden by a whole donkey, they would make bank?? and indeed they have. 10,000 Kshs to sleep with a rabid horse...if indeed horses get rabies??. Who would refuse, in the kind of economies our third world countries are subjected to. The West and its RAW ways has given impetus to such sexual immoralities making it seem very mainstream. MADNESS!! Women we can do better!!

Onto more softer issues....Speaking of the standard newspaper, theres a Friday magazine namely pulse which has all the hottest news plus gossip. I mean its kinda inevitable skipping it while browsing due to all the juicy stories...theres usually an article written by some cat calling himself smitta sijui smitten?? Dude if anyone gets what what dude says please upgrade me? I know i am know to throw a few slang words here and there, this dude uses the most confusing ways of telling his tales. A mixure of russian swahenglish and urban talk thats mostly played out!! i get a headache everytime i try to read what he is tryna get across, the way kenyan blogs unlimited gets one from seeing my pic* blog..hehe now im bitchin'!.. Warr!! yet another word Kenyans have been over using....ati instead of "what"now its "warr"...even Americans themlselves dont even twang that word..i swear to you the benefits of being African is just amazing!! especially Zimbabwean at the moment. "Stuck on the fence" is the youtube link to a prank call made to their Immigration Officials...classic trust me!! theres more Zim jokes on the side..those people are just something else

Sad pic of the day??.....

Dope baby fresh????

On my play list- Take Over Dj Mix CD

You ******* me makes me Bilingual!!

2008-09-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

Its been a minute yet again!! 2 weeks ago my computer had startup problems and i had to
install everything from scratch. I was happy that i could finally get rid of 200 plus pictures of my ex and i that i couldnt get myself to delete but that also meant i lost all my award winning essays, resume, 5 years worth of memories with the family it was preety deep but with that i learnt to LET IT GO!!!! which is something ive always had trouble with.
With the help of Krishna, despite that heavy Indian accent i was able to restart and install every tom dick and harry on that sucker and then some programmes ...cost me a good 150 bucks tho! but that einstein feeling inside it so worth every buck fifty!!

....Well so i finally installed this google desktop thingie that lets you manage ur email facebook stocks all in one and a bunch of other extra cool stuff. One of the programes i installed was BBC news feed which led me to the following news story..which had me going wtf!!

At first my feminist mode (which fuckers confuse for bitch!) came in and i was like fuck all these fools always thinking they can run womens live, tell em what to do, who to marry, what to wear, i mean shit!. The in realized this is Uganda were talkin about...I think we all know a typical Ugandan mama & mini skirt dont go in the same fkcin sentence, but still.....!!! What had me tho was the bullshit rationale behind the ban "causing alot of accidents" I mean seriously if women want to walk naked let them be!. Maybe they need to stop eating too much bananas and teach self control cus i think men shouldnt walk around showing their arms either cuz that can cause accidents too..especially if the guns are exrta tight!!

DC labor day weekend courtesy of mdosi.com was fun. Nameless and Lenny were here. I feel sorry for their significant others. Il leave it at that, i dont want my blog being accused of spreading some malicious rumors like this Tanzanian blog called Utamu blog (thank me later, im taking checks) that leaves nothing for the imagination when it comes to putting their fellow citizens on blast...as in even the Tanzanian embassy in the US&UK have written threats but to no avail. Thats why i love this damn country...theres something called FREEDOM OF SPEECH thats in the 1st amendement and NO ONE can take that away from you!!!!
On the side note tho....Waweza fikiria mwezi huu wa Ramadhani wale watanzania wanafaa waepuke vituko na misukosuko haya, ila wanafaa wawe waki swali ili kukamilisha funga bila futari. Transaltion: You would think during this holy month of ramadan, these damn Tzedians would be avoiding trouble and concentrating on their prayers so to complete a satisfactory month with no sins. The blog itself is in Swahili, the comments are hilarious. The catch is u have to alteast know basic swa to be able to get the jokes. The boughie Kenyans i always seem to meet that pretend they dont speak swa, and their first language was English cant do much but only enjoy the pics on the blog. Babu yangu ametoka kule Unguja so im always an advocate of Swahili and most transalting jobs are guaranteed to put exrta cheddar in tha bank..u dig?,,cuz i do!

SAD pic of the day.... Im always crackin' on black folk!! so how do u take a dump with ur kid..whose the photographer????

a family that SHITS together.........?????

Latest Movie- "A family that Preys" 4 stars outa 5 Sanaa Lathan was looking scrumptious!..yet another Tyler Perry drama filled movie. It was good but still not worth my 10 bucks goddamnit!!

On myPlay list- You Fucking me makes me Bilingual!!.....my ethiopian chic got me on this on a 4 hr drive to DC.techno song its bananas!!! (forward to 1:30)

anyone willing to make me trilingual....space is open! mira,qué quiere de mí?
cheers!

"Now that ive had sex with you".....of break ups and make ups..

2008-08-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

The following is a public email written by a certain Nairobi club goer of the male species who felt like he had hit jackpot after kutaing vitu (mangaring a chic) as the Nairobians like to refer it to..only for the female to beat him at his own game when she replied the letter

HE wrote: You can’t imagine how anxiously I have been waiting for this moment when I get to tell you as it is. And by some coincidence this delightful point in time has fallen on a cold Sunday morning, the perfect weather and day for a confession.

What attracted me to you was not that short red skirt you had put on the first day I met you, actually I thought you looked tacky. It was the other men, ogling at your butt as you danced that drew my attention to you. At the table I was sitting at that wannabes’ club in Westlands, a guy, drooling,commented what a lucky man he who wins you would be. There and then I decided to be the fortunate man, just to satisfy my ego and make my friends and other men envious. I had a head start since one of your girlfriends was my buddy’s lover or something of the sort. So when you said you were leaving, having drunk enough courtesy of my friend, he asked me to drop you home. Do you remember how you sat on the front seat of my Toyota Camry, as if the car belonged to us and not me?

That was the start of a long weary six months. The thing I detested most during this period was listening to your never ending problems. Like the time you told me your boss was mad at you because of a typographical error you had made, or the other occasion you claimed the boss was “stressing” you with too much work. Though I held your shoulders and asked you not to worry for that was life, I honestly thought you should have been fired for incompetence.

And was it by coincidence that your birthday fell on the last day of the second month of our relationship? And you chose to tell me about it while we were watching an advertisement of the new phone in the market? Anyhow I got the hint and bought you the phone as a birthday present. There were better ways I could have spent the over eleven thousand shillings it cost me to purchase it. But this was the price I had to pay for bragging rights among my friends and the big prize, which was taking too long to come.Literally.

I did make a mistake by praising your hair and elegant sense of fashion. You capitalized on this to take me to countless exhibition stalls, where knowing very well you didn’t have money with you or was not willing to spend , you fit all sorts of clothes, calling me to the changing room and asking “ Swiry how do I look? ”. The answer each time was “Great” and immediately after more than a few notes would be emptied from my wallet. I was burning inside but endured since I knew eventually there would be a rapturous reward.

Then there was that other instance when it was raining and I was in Ruaraka.You told me to bring you an umbrella to your workplace at Adams Arcade, supposedly because your hair would lose its glow if it were rained on. Of course I did bring the umbrella, not because I cared about your hair, but since the following day I was to show you off to the boys. Green with envy they, shamelessly, asked me how you performed in bed.

As always I said you were the best, knowing very well for over five months and despite all my goodwill you had never spent a single night at my place or showed me what you wore underneath the clothes I bought you.

But it happened yesterday. Perhaps it’s the new drink recently launched in the market that did the trick. Now that it is over and my ego gratified, I can, without fear, say you are not different from the many girls who have slept on this bed. Let’s call it quits.

I replied....Oooops i mean She replied:

that u brot ur ass on mashada u thot i wasnt here???? U ****ing faggot.....

Let me admit I was caught a little bit by surprise. Although all along I knew this “our relationship” would come to an end, I didn’t expect it to happen on the morning after spending the first night in bed with you. Given a choice I would also have wanted the end to come on a Saturday morning, not on a cold Sunday, though no big deal we girls need some little time to adjust and do a “What went wrong “ review with the girlfriends. Nonetheless since it’s over let me do a quick evaluation, just like you did.

So you say all along it had been an ego thing, well I knew that. Come on buddy we know your type of men: not more than seven years into employment, earning a salary of not more than sixty thousand shillings, qualified for a personal loan, which you take to stock your houses and more importantly to buy a cheap car, yeah a Toyota or Nissan. And because you got a car and what, according to your peers’ looks like a good job, you expect all girls to fall head over heels for you. Hence you visit what you call “ wannabe “ joints where you expect to find hot, career but harebrained girls who will go crazy once they see your low cost vehicle. To you: Hot career girl + Toyota = Bragging rights among boys. Silly!

My madcap friend Fridah has aptly nicknamed men like you Katoyo, after Toyota, and it's she who told us girls how important it is to have a Katoyo in our lives. “They come in handy, you don’t have to worry about being dropped home after a night out with the girls, or the cost of hip fashion items or the occasional thousand or two, you know such things”

Thus it was not by coincidence I was at that club in Westlands dressed in that red hot short skirt. It was planned. Your pal’s girlfriend had told me all about you, even going to an extent of tactfully asking your friend to hook us up. Whether I looked tawdry or not, it matters little for you fell for me…and that was the whole point of it.

You again say it was boring to listen to my problems...I manufactured some of them. Men like you think girls are weak and need to be comforted always. If I played strong, I would have missed out on the goodies that came with your sympathy; the chocolates and pizza delivered to my workplace so as for me to “know someone cares”.

It was by coincidence that my birthday fell on the second month of our relationship, what was not happenstance was telling you about it when watching that phone ad Since it hit the market last year, I had always dreamed of owning one, but forking eleven thousand six hundred for a phone, not me, not now. I got my priorities right. Thanks anyway.

That umbrella episode was not my idea. It was raining at Adams, when I called Fridah

“Girlfriend. Its raining like hell here and imagine I didn’t carry my umbrella”

“That should teach you a lesson. But hey just a minute, why can’t you tell your katoyo to bring you one”

“Come on I can’t do that, I don’t think he will agree”

“Girl you need some lessons, kwani what do you think toyos are for? Tell him to bring it”

After this conversation I was there on the phone begging you to bring an umbrella...and true to Fridah in two hours there you were delivering a new umbrella. I never pitied a man that much. How could you come all the way from Ruaraka just to bring me an umbrella, something I could have bought at a local shop? Anyway within minutes of you leaving I was back on the phone with Fridah.

“Imagine kameleta”

“Sinilikuambia”

I slept with you at last. It wasn’t the new drink as you think. There is nothing wrong with rewarding a katoyo with some love. The reason I postponed sleeping with you for as long as possible was so that you could continue with your efforts to conquer me, of course with goodies. And dude I love sex, and for those last six months somebody else had been taking care of that small business.

Things that leave me asking what??

1. Is that dude serious by oublicizing the weakest game ever known to history of Homo Sapien

2. Dude waited 5 months to kula vitu....and he only hit it once...what!!!!!! thats unheard off . (A lil side note i have the 6 month rule but this right here is some top notch shit) haha syyke!

3. Is it me or Nairobi chics have been watching too much sex in the city...

4. Did he have to mention he bought her a phone, clothes etcetera?

5. Did she have to hint the phone while it was being advertised?

6. Homeboy drove all the way from Ruaraka to Adams arcade to bring an umbrella so that he would show her off to the boyz kesho with nice hair?? what kinda stupid shit is that?? (as much as i dont know Nairobi thats a good 45 minutes on that pathetic Thika road right?)

7. "Katoyo" Atleast homeboy has a car...did anyone see the chics car being mentioned...she aint got one so i dont get that joke!?

8..........So dude got his heart broken and theres more to come....hes the slow type

9.........That chic is BAD!!...damn she bad

10. .....Ladies just rule this****

So readers whats ur take on this exra dramatic play??....hommey got his ass played thats just me

I kissed a girl...........

2008-07-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

and i liked it!!!..........

Today I paid a visit to my local walgreen which is at like ever damn intersection!@! to pick up some prescription for something mild. Before yall start to get some crazy ideas here!! I had an hour before the concoction was to be ready so i decided to pass time as I wander in the nearby shopping center going from store to store. This time i made sure I left my birkin bag in the car since I have a bad tendency of swiping that black American express AKA impulse buying.
I ended up in a small novel shop full of middle to old age white women keeping themselves occupied while their husbands are taking adavntage of their big American dreams. Can u believe these women are shoppin while the economy is in the hands of a damn redneck!!. I was actually the only black person in the store, things that u just cant help notice when u live in small town America almost . Yes! Those white ladies had quite a look on their face when I flipped through a Leonardo Davinci paintings book; they were quite surprised that a Negro girl like can actually understands anything about the Italian renaissance. The last time I picked up a good book was a couple years ago and it was mandatory since it was on summer reading list for my h. school. That explains a lot about my vocabulary, which has gone to the dogs since I migrated from my homeland. So now am officially reading again and it aint Zane books. If u know what I mean.....

It was actually impressive to see girls in my class carry novels around in class back in h.school. Until one day I borrowed one to take home. Zane is the name of these books and I know some of you are some addicts…an average passage on these books goes as follows:
“After a couple shots of patron on the rocks, Jerome and Keisha started feeling quite hot and ready. She was already picturing him naked and shit, while he was undressing her with his sexy hazel eyes. It was hard to hide Jerome’s bulging pants for the liquor did more than make him tipsy, Keisha was growing impatient by the minute and couldn’t wait any longer she grabbed his D** and slid it in … soon it was Jerome, Keisha and her friend Tamia...
Enough!! Those books make me sick!!! Why in the world are 13 year olds reading such things?? Supa Head should just do what she does best,,,give good brain and stop writing this nonesense books!!

Talking of REDNECKS which can be loosely defined as a glorious absence of sophistication…

or a better definiton:

A mentally challenged white male, usually from the South USA with an IQ of a beaver. They are characterized by: ignorant, intolerant of others, isolated in their own little world, uneducated, marry their own sisters, live in a run down trailer, claim to love America, but carries a confederate flag, vote against their own interest, and politically inept.
The only human species capable of drinking beer, beating their wife, and watching Nascar all at the same time.

Some major characteristics of " red necks "

1. White male
2. Drinks lots of beer, has the gut
3. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
4. Wife weighs more then his refrigerator
5. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
6. Thinks the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minute maid taste test.
7. Christmas shopping for mom, sister, and girlfriend, and only needs to buy one gift.
8. Wife can climb a tree faster than his cat.
9. Hates Liberals, Gays, Minorities ...ANYTHING THAT IS NOT TRAILER TRASH

10. Supported & Voted for George W. Bush

Redneck Quote of the day: “Since I'm a red neck I only ride two things a day, my John Deer tractor and my sister”

ROTFLMAO!! have a red neck free day…. and pick up a damn book!!!

On my play list…. I kissed a girl and i liked it- Random girl??

Ignoramus* is bliss....not in this case

2008-07-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

Word up folk!!! Approx a month before my last blog. My bad party people. I have to admit i got a little lazy, plus the summer heat got me on lock no time whatsoever. Even my facebook friends are trippin, since i used to be on that mother like 24-7. Due to the closing of kenyablogger i kinda lost interest. Bella, Stalin, Militant, Kambodian and and all those so so cool Kenyanbloggerz mofoos always gave me motivation to share some of mines, since it was funny reading their adventures in the streets of nairoberry, never failed to entertain...:-)
Well this coming week il be headed to NJ/NY are for that 4th of July weekend thingie, well im excited to be reconnecting with old friends and getting my drank and my two step on. Sorry to say i could care less whose mama is performing. Kenyan music has gone to the dogs thats why im all bongo flava mimi mtoto wa Dar these days....but i fucks with Jua Kali and some kapuka, genge music. Not no crunk wanabees!!! Hope it is organized, kenyans are well known for being dosogranized in these kinda events.

So anyways i was doing my usual gossip websites check when i got to MTO AKA mediatakeout.com. They are best known for putting black celebs on blast and promoting them too. Kind of a love hate relationship. It is like the biggest black gossip website, those mofoos just won a BET award the other day(like anyone cares about a doggone BET award) and i saw a topic "EXCLUSIVE PICS: KELLY ROWLAND PARTIES IN KENYA WITH SOME GORGEOUS AFRICAN WOMEN!!!!". as we know she was in Kenya supporting a charity of some sort, i really didn't see her as a humanitarian but you know whatever looks good on her resume'. What got me was the comments by some of this people called African Americas..slash that i prefer to call em black Americans,niggaz,akataaz shyt whatever cuz these mofoos don't know jack bout Africa...except of course legendary TARZAN,,,not!

Some of the most igoramus comments Ive ever encountered

"They don't look African to me... they look like regular black folk. Kelly looking better"

"These chicks don't look "African" to me.These girls look like they are from America"

"African Americans tend to have different features than African women because of our mixture with Native Americans and Europeans, it would be hard to find an African American woman who looks like Alek Wek because she is pure African"

what is a pure African??..are there unpure Africans.??.......maybe Shaniqua can answer that since the Discovery channel teaches alot about Africa!!

Those comment left me surprised. Funny thing is those chics in the picture were really not the best looking just some regular medoicre chics that probably work in the Kenyan media. Kelly Rowland put next to a Kenyan beauty aint gonna stand a chance and thats word...ask about us!!! The western media really needs to stop with all than negative image about Africans cuz these people have been brainwashed to think African are ugly and barbaric looking creatures." Oh u really dont look African" that is supposedly a compelment..BULLSHIT!!!!!. If i had a dollar for every time i heard that stupid remark, makes u wanna smack someone upside the head. Or every time some akataa person claims to have Indian blood (stankaho tribe) or Spanish to prove they are not fully black!! SMH.....

Its such a damn shame that in this time and era people are still living in ignorance about other cultures besides their next door neighbours, who prolly sells drugs. Sad part it is usually Black folks that have this nonchalant attitude towards everything. The favourite word of an average nigga is " i don't know"!! that is something they love to say, and they say it with some kind of attitude which makes them think they are really on point. I have never seen a culture that reward stupidity and shuns seeking knowledge. Like someone said this mofoos are like Crabs in a pot, when one of them tries to raise and get out of the pot, the rest pull him back in the hot water. Its like no one want to see the next black person move out of the hood, get a good job, a degree and take care of their children like they are suppose to. I could go all day about the kind of bullshit i see with my own eyes on a daily...but that aint even my point all im saying is get the fuck out of media takeout.com go to Google.com and learn something about the world you live in. Better yet, that welfare money that comes invest in a damn passport and even go to the Caribbean or something. !!!!! fuck those spinning rims you wanted to get. Pack your bags and get yourself some education nucca!!! fuckin imbeciles!!

If anyone is unfortunate enough not to know African beauty too sad for them. Will leave you with a nice video i randomly came across on youtube, a few good looking Kenyan chics. its actually preety neat or maybe im saying tho cuz saw a couple of my pics..or not///who knows???.....i feel like if someone is going to use your picture atleast let you know...but in this new internet savvy era its basically finders keepers so anything...and i mean anything you put online, you loose copyright ownership. sucks!!! nevertheless Enjoy the video..........

Madaraka day Celebrations...then some rantings**

2008-06-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

First and fore most Happy Madaraka day!! For the slow ones, June 1st commemorates the day we attained internal self-rule in 1963, preceding full independence on 12 December 1963. Im feeling extra patriotic today, jamming to local music, called my people back home and also rocked my Kenyan shirt...ah hatucheki na watu.
With that said...there are somethings some Kenyans abroad indulge in that paints a really bad pic...do yall remember that jango home health aide or CNA from MD that whooped an old man whom she was supposedly taking care of she knew her ass was on fire and caught a flight to Kenya the next day before break of dawn U know the FBI was on that!....or those young kids in GA that were chagred for siphoning gas out of some cars(makes sense tho shits gettin higher)......and those Kenyans in Kansas that stole mad money from the taxes of a nursinh home resident??? what!! were the new NIGERIANS....sooner or later will we be gettin emails not from Babatunde but Kamau and Okoth..

When you mix a green card holder with ayo technology this is the resluts.... The video is like 6 minutes if you have time its all yours...my fav part 1.41 when she says" its arr abaut thongs na venye tuko sexy???" WHAT THE F&*** wame blossom like flowers in the spring huh??
The best complement you can pay a Kenyan is...u dont look Kenyan!!.....as much as i love my people saddly its true.....ask someone in a Kenyan populated state
Dont you hate when people ask you...oh so how long have u been in (insert state/city country) Well me i do..it pisses me the fck off because how long ive been somwhere is none of your business....basically so they can judge to see how with it you are or i dont know for what reason...but thats one question i never fail to get when i attend these Kenyan parties.... followed with another annoying question is what H.school you went to...thats suppose to be like the biggest thing!!...same as college is here u know HBC's like Howard, Clark Atlanta or some Ivy league like Princeton Yale or Northwestern. H.school is so big that you will see people hanging with their h.school buddies ans still holding onto those rugby beefs with rival schools....pisses me the fuck off to...! and no i never went to Msongari whatever the hell that is...

Economics 201 (the class that is) is a bitch!! now i know better than to date anyone in the Economics field...talk about boring...maybe thats why ive been walking around with this bad air lately so many unnecessary classes i dont need that i need to take arghhh. School in general sucks...Oprah never went to school!! shes a fckn bilionare smh!....i think i should start playing the lotto..ive seen some people win. Matter of fact there was a Kenyan in Minnesotta that won a couple years ago...so its not impossible.

Well enough of my rantings.....umm yeah Cheaters is officialy in Kenya....the show yes sort off..the one you watch at like 12 am (eating icecream probably crying) when they follow the suspecting patners' every move and then show it to the inquiring patner and then they bust the cheater live in action!!....one i saw where they went to a hotel room and 2 men and a goat came out..after that i laid low...shits disgusting!!!!

Happy Madaraka day to all Kenyans and hope 08 brings prosperity and positive progress to our beloved country. Najivunia kuwa Mkenya.....KD*

Kenya Vs Uganda or The West vs African beauty....

2008-05-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

Greetings my fellow bloggers and avid readers. The last month has been spent diggin archives, writing 10 plus page essays and refreshing memories as to what Aristotle, Plato and Socrates theories focussed on!...who gives a rats ass!!. Gas prices are on the rise again and these Greek philosophers aint got jack to do with it!!! It was $3.86 up in DC while its $3.56 in my neck of the woods about 3 hours south . Despite the busy month i managed a 3.55 and boy aint i proud of myself. Nope its not Nursing like 96% of all Kenyans...na cancel that all Africans!! im majoring in the Arts(no need for details) and i dont care that its a "white profession" "no money innit" or "whatever else my parents and the whole immigrant community thinks it is" thats what my passion is. I mean i know im tired of all my fam members squeezing the Nursing profession down my throat like its the only profession. Yes i know it is very versatile, good money and you can pretty much work anywhere and make your own schedule blah blah blah. Its not always about the benjamins, its about following your heart and doing what you love to do and what you are happy doing! Imagine my preety self starting IV's and giving enemas, lets not forget the arrogant foreign doctors that no one seems to understand and i could go on..... if i could choose i would be Queen Nefertiti of Egypt she was a Nubian Queen...haha or an Actress or a Model(hmm) or even a Pilot or a DJ(pun intended). All im tryna say is follow your dreams!

Now that ive gotten that out of my chest, we can move right along. So one of those working weekends where the Friday before is spent at home just lamenting the next morning. I cant go clubbin or get out the house like on my off weekend since i have an early start. What best way to spend this night than streaming my fav Kenyan radio station...91.5 Homebizzle radio. Check this out im far from home, homesick as a biatch..a lil touch of home kinda helps a lil bit.They have this Saturday show called " God's Fav Breakfast show" hosted by G money (British but of Jamaican descent) and DJ Jonh( supposedly a pinoeer in DJing). Its a totally random show where they discuss alot of current issues from politics to lifestyle, women and yeah football too(usually my bathroom break) they dont discuss much on sex but dont matter i still digg. I for one love talk shows but nothing beats Kenyan ramblings...these folks get as random..and i do mean RANDOM as they want, to summarize its just a funny show that if you aint doing shit u can enjoy a few laughs. So anyways i was listening like a couple weeks ago where by G money and DJ John had came back from Uganda from an Akon show...so they are recapping how the gig was and how massive the crowd was blaze blaze....so you know the issue of WOMEN always seems to squeeze itself in any given i think John brought it up How were the women there??...after a few gibberish mummurs the 2 hosts decided to have like a tally Kenyan VS Ugandan women. Haha i was sittin on my screen updating my social pages i knew it was on!!!...

Kenya Pros
Up front, go for what they want..as in a man, a job etc
Dress really nice and know how to keep up with style and such
Beautiful**
Open minded

Uganda Pros
THICK...you aint gotta be from the dirty south to know what that means...basically they were very well endowed...and then some...think of that Juvenile song "back that ass up"..or some Popeyes chicken meal errday
They know how to fix up a meal and take care of their men well well...(hmm im a witness on that gotta give credit where it due)
Submissive(a pro on con)??...(kinda confusing)

Kenya Cons
Being upfront is cute but they like to wear the pants sometimes...act like a man
Very stuck up( what do yall expect really)
Dont know how to cook like Ugandans..

Ugandas Cons
No game whatsoever as in the dressing, shoes , hair(like men know jack about hair)
Not uptodate wid it...(bad weave G money said)
Basically whatever Kenyan girl are Ugandans aint...and vice versa

So anyways they began running out of comparisons, i for once didnt think that was right...but damn right i was enjoying the whole thing...then DJ John blurted one thing that had me going and im going to quote word for word
" You know G money, one thing i dont like about Ugandan girl (pause)...how do i say this??..They are just TOO BLACK!!!!!!!!! u know most Kenyan chics have brown skin......
OMG! I musta chocked on the piece of chicken i was snacking on!!(syke).. Yo this dude just said he doesnt feel Ugandan girls cuz of them being too dark....dude!! i musta felt confused like when Don Imus called those girls from Rutgers University basketball team "Nappy headed hoes"
Is my hair nappy...No
Im i dark skin....No
Does that make me any different from other female?....Hell to the MotherF*** No!. Unless you are a imbecile douche bag...if you think lighter is better!!

I took it that he was joking as the aim of the show is randomly entertain...which it was kinda funny, tho he kilt it he went ahead and said Kenyans will loose against Tanzanian women..Which seems to be the case accoring to the Standard Newspaper!!...Are you kidding me!! I have ethio kenya and tz blood running thru ma veins son!! what??....i cannot choose one over the other, thought there is something in the water of the Eastafrican coast tho..lets leave that there!!!!
There is no regulations whatsoever as what can be said on national radio or TV maybe in Kenya . I understand if its cable where its ones prefference to subscribe and tune in, but National?? On a total random note Me thinks they just approved the word BITCH recently, for every damn station seems to be missusing that word lately on National tv and radio...i mean even Judge Hatchet had a nerve to call someone that....He was a total bastard tho..baby daddy drama that i dont need to get into anywwayz.
As for "TOO BLACK"I mean it was kinda unbelievable for me cuz thats a fkciin lawsuit in the US i know that for sure.....like some Club in Detriot that let all lightskin girls free and let the darker ones pay. I know some banging as Sudanesse broads that would give any Habesha chic a run for they money...haha lemme stop lying all im saying is that we need to stop falling for this western standards of beauty....we are home to the most beautiful women in the Universe regardless of color. I didnt believe it untill i saw it for myself Very exotic and beautiful features and yes! Flawless skin...like Luda said
"The Best Women Reside in Africa"...and thats word, Uganda Included. Now Lets embrace that party people

"The only thing dark about our continent, is our deep understanding of it" ME

what do yall think folks....

Im Back From Under The Weather.....!!!

2008-04-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

Howdy party people!...Its been a minute thanks to KK with that sore throat comment he jinxed me!!!!. I been out sick for the past week, not the flu thanks God, but that nasty cold virus going around. Worst time to get sick due to all those term papers due and exams lately. Can the weather like decide if its gettin warm or not...Im so ready to say good bye to sweaters and rock my fav short shorts...and these right here shoes better known as "the boat shoes"?? dont know if its the fact they have a Nautical feel to them or they look like a boat i suggest tho' if u stay fresh, those Sperry's are a must get for this summer...Im coping me a pair or three. Like my profile say..i stay fresh down to the socks..and thats word!

I havent watched TV or turned my computer on in the past week so im kinda lost on whats really hood. I think i heard over and over on the radio tho that Hov finally wifed B... . I can see all this players shaking like damn...the pimp of pimps done did his thing...watch all this lil players tryna get serious all over sudden...trying to propose and all....funny how some folks whorship this mainstream celebs..like they life depend on it! Good luck to them...if they happy thats what matters...even tho he is not "hot" but he is stackin paper like shiat. Sometimes its not about the looks for all the preety bois ive dated have ended up being a-holes anyways...so id rather a medoicre dude thats down to earth and fun!!..(if he has money thats a plus...i aint sayin im a gold digger...) butPreety boi Mayweather be looking good sometimes..damn!!

Part 3 of the mexicans is still coming so hold tight...its funny that im kinda racist when it comes to the people i choose to date. Yes i stick to my own kind not Kenyan to be specific but ya know black folks....the only time i decide to kinda step it up and try something new drama unfolds....that means im destined to be with a black man..regardless of what my mother thinks is best for me. Good thing i have atleast 10 years to worry about that. Right now its about living life to the fullest and enjoying the days of youth...we only live once so yes! ive finally decided is doing my top ten things ive always wanted to do..but has never due to my good girl side. I feel like i might be the next big thing and i dont want my past to haunt** me in any way!!...shit fuck the past thats why its the past..ya digg!?
1. Skinny Dipping
2. Smoke some ganja..we can add ex to the list still not sure bout that
3. Make out with my drunk friend while out partying
4. Dress like a stripper to class one day(not limited to haloween)
5. Date some mafia Italian dude (God forbid i dont end up dead!)
6. Yeah..i still havent done it in a club..or in public as a matter of fact...umm a car is not public is it?? LoL
Ummm this list is not the real thing something i just made it up without really thinking..but really im coming up with one of top ten things outrageous things im gettin into on the SUMMER HEAT

What in the world happened to the good ol black movies like Brown sugar, The Brothers, Love&Basketball.?? Is it me or aint all the black movies that come out lately are so whack??....Tyler Perry did his thing with Madea and all but err im kinda tired of his boring ass predictable movies...what happened to the likes of Taye diggs, Morris chestnut(damn brother is fine!) Viviva Fox, Sanaa Lathan, Gabriel Union(she fiesty!)... Deliver us from Eva indeed...this time deliver us from Tyler Perry
Talking of Sanaa Lathan this scene with Denzel is just fire!....its weird that her name means Art/Literature in Arabic and thats what she has specialized on. Lol at this comment about the scene
We got a situation here it's about to "BLOW". Cheif you gotta "CUM QUICK".
Surely this was Pun and not a coincidence, if not i am a very sad person

Will leave you with some funny clips.....
Disclaimer: Any chocking, falling off a chair, burning yourself with tea or cofee, due to the extreme funniness of the below clips will not be compensated..laugh responsibly nicca!!

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Thats one of the funniest prank calls ive ever listened to...Imean this shit is priceless...especially that end part where the Kiambu Lady ask "mukona gitaa na maduramu" If you have Guitars and Drums!!...Lol it is indeed tru that out two national languages did come by ship...English and Swahili too with alot of influence from the Arabs&Portugese majority Bantu...the Accents just kilt it!

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Lol..this was too funny..He is going to HELL!!!! as in Leo

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Ya know i saved the best for Last...i didnt know the Ugandan accent was this funny
Enjoy..courtesy of your girl!! Good week folks!!

NB: Part Menage Trois....syyke! i meant part 3 coming soon

Enredos De Amor- Part Dos....

2008-04-01T17:04:00.001-07:00

Even tho i aint a virgin, that dont mean im havin sex wit ya!- That girl

Hola Señor y Señoritas...Muy Bien?? (ive never seen any females here by the way)??

As you know there’s only three weeks left of school..homegirl has been busy.. also i don’t wanna bore you to death with my daily rantings... Today i found out that my body fat is 27% through my weight training class….apparently i need to loose some body fat..are you kiddn me??. I seriously don’t have anymore weight to loose!!! if I loose anymore "body fat" I will be yet another anorexic crack head look alike. That leads us to conclude im just blessed with an AppleBottom for a small shawty…that’s that good ol African blood flowing i told my teacher.
So where did I leave off….Manuel ah the other Mexican..opps I meant Rican. Club Sevens close at 2 None of us has been out in the longest time so its I clear that no one of us wants to head home… no volunteers to drive another 15 minutes to the usual after place…Entourage. I’m always quick to volunteer to drive TO the venue..which sorta makes me exempt from driving back. That trick has been workin ever since.. and none of these fools has picked up on it yet…gives me the advantage of riding bitch when heading home ...I stretch my legs and pass out in the back seat while nuccas is busy tryna keep they eyes open…while the other is checkin out for the po po. Im slick like that…
So its 3am the clubs have closed…basically u aint gotta go home, but u gotta get the hell up outa there..as in downtown..and the popos are making sure the crowd is moving. This is usually the time where the dudes that didn’t get lucky in the club can lay they mack..trying to get lucky last minute..or when dudes realized shawty aint that fine like she looked when she was in the club…ya know it was dark as hell…and ur ass was hollering from behind..might been a dude with an adams apple for heavens sake!!

I see a whole bunch of guyz standing outside a building… me being my nosy self... goes up there I see all this fruity looking dudes with their tight ass American Eagle shirts..Im like “ Yo, is this a gay club or something”…the fellaz are like Hell nah!its a techno club in a sarcastic way tho..im like” what u tryna say”?…A black girl cant like techno?? …so Manuel pulls me in line with them …remember its 21 and up too…Glad those fake ID days are over. So my three bestfriends get in line too and basically the dudes go for the scramble each picking his own interest. Which gets me to the question so how quick to a group of dudes decide whos gonna try to holler at who….?? i mean they just took position like they planned that shit from home...real talk

Buggati's is the name of the club...population of black people in there is like .5% as in a handful....with a name like Buggati tell me how many black folk own a Buggatti?. I find out this is the club where drug lords meet up selling coccaine and shit. Soon as the music start getin loud...everyone gets on the dance floor...weird thing is that insted of dancing people are making out like its a fckin marathon!!...as in wat the hell...some dude comes up to me asks me if i want some..im like want what?? later i came to realise he was talking about X pills...nowonder this moffos are so horny. I felt like i was in some sort of masonic initiantion process..Davinci code up in that biatch!! The drinks was on the Puerto rican dudes so we were poppin Moët and gettin fckd up by the hour. The ladies room was filled with some Russian females passed out...i sensed they were prolly sex slaves having a night out with the pimp. Something wasn't right about that club...but for the love of Heng...i was like i dont give a shit...

Its nearly 5.30am someone still has to drive...im drunk to a point where i cant conversate as in no words are coming out my mouth. So Manuel ask for my number...i cant speak so i give him the numbers with hand signals all 10 of them. It thought that was so genius but in real life...thats kinda retarded...but no one know what im capable of doing when not in my senses..i stay away from that liquor on a regular. I get home 6.15 ish ooh and guess whose callin..yes Manuel the dude that i just met!!??...I mean aint there like a fckin three days rule gents/ladies?? that has to be the quickest call back ive ever gotten back like word....so i avoid his calls for a week till i decide to see whay he about....we hang out couple times...that dude was guilty of being beautiful...i mean kinda like a female...made me feel like Serena Williams at times and i im not an eye sore(i like to assume)He was also too conceited for life...as we all know two fucking conceited people can never get along....it was fun but got old quick..like he thinks he looks better than me..are we in H.school??
Fast forward....Rodriguez my sailor comes back from Sea im not singing Mase Welcome back.. Im excited mainly for the gifts..lol im bad i know... but soon it dies going back to the same ol routine...and dude hasnt mentioned anything about gettin a ride soon..gas was gettin expensive n shit...and i wasnt gonna keep driving to come chill...ican do so im my living room.

Rodriques finds and appartment since he used to live on base h...so as custom hes having a house parrty yall know how these military folks ...play beer pong all day and drinking bud light....so ofcourse he calls me up he wants "his girl"
to be there...fuck this dude didnt even officialy ask me out and he has concluded im his girl..!! Manuel calls me as soon as i hang up happens simultaneously...theres this happening bash he is going to and he doesnt mind company..he didnt tell me the details but tells me to look sexy!...like i dont always...im caught in the middle..crazy like a fox. Yall know i went with Manuels bash...i lie to Rodriguez i have to work but will try to make it.... Its official i get my nails and hair did,,s school was on my d** i needeed a couple drinks so Manuel Pulled up in tht Aston Martin..lol i meant Accord and scooped me!! ....My girls were gonna meet us up..u know how w does it

To Be Cont'd

Tale of the two Mexicans....Pun intended!

2008-03-24T19:26:00.001-07:00

So my homegirls boyfriend had a friend and maybe we could all be friends, she thought. I think it was preety clear that the Naija pikin was NEXTED!! and i was in a position to meet new people and enjoy the "single" life. For the 1st time i didnt care what he looked like so long as we could have nice talk and just hang out. I said fcuk standards imma do me!! The only description i got was that he was Puerto Rican and he thought he was the shit!... papi chulo hmm ... the shit he said...lets find out!

So we get to talkin on the phone...getting to know each other before we meet cuz i watched too much Law&Order, dude might be a serial killer for all i know. Vybe was aiite nothing deep or sentimental we talked on regular things ah! i learnt thing about Puerto Rico and he did about my homes. We have alot in comom as far as homelife....hes not in college but its all good remember rebound sorta thing so im not trippin...after 2 weeks i finally find time in my "tight" schedule to squeeze Rodriquez in. As tradition i give him my address so he cud come scoop me, i think we decided on a dinner n a movie ..so dude goes "im new to the area.. i dont have a car yet"...Im like oooh damn "thats cool il come scoop you then"...Papi is new to the area from Miami prolly take him couple weeks before he gets settled n ishh so i dont mind. In the back of my head im thinking WTF!!...remember im a all new person after experiences with Emenike(pun intended) a dude with no ride is nothing compared to the bullshit

Ist date i pick him up @ "his place" like 8pm. Im like damn! i hope he looks like Tyson Beckford...nah her Rican so hes prolly sexy like Daddy Yankee...I made sure im playin some reggeaton how he supposed to know im a Morena... i saw this short mexican looking dude coming thru...so i open the door of course a hug..he kisses me on the cheek which i think is Spanish custom. Hes not dressed like we going to a restaurant, an alright teeshirt and jeans and sneakers(the shoes!!). Like i said i dont care anymore not like i was wearing a gown i had on casual attire but atleast my stuff looked ironed atleast ya digg!! BUT: In the middle of all dude pulls out a cigarette and a lighter! he notices the look in my face and ask if its cool...with a killer smile i go "i dont like the smell gives me a headache" he looks dissapointed but hes respectful and puts it back in his pocket. NOBODY smokes in my damn car thats just the rule i dont care if you are Giotto, Lorenzzeti, Donnatello or Da Vinci( I happen to be taking an art appreciation class and im phazed !!). I was glad when they officially banned smokin in clubs and u wont find me in a bar near you.....so looks to me like hes a chronic smoker, thats points off for him straightup!!

So we get to the restaurant.i go straight for the entree'
the appetizers they offer usually can feed a whole Ethiopian village, whats the point if u dont have space for your main meal...and maybe dessert. Takes atleast 20 minutes for the food to get ready in the meantime were vybing .... I get a good look of him. He has the cutest dimples and killer lips, the teeth are kinda not white i guess due to heavy smoking, hes not muscular and i dont think hommy here knows the direction to the gymn....I like em mascular a lil bit taller and also intellectual talk like why Hillary needs to quit the presidential race..global warming..i mean something other that pop culture or who Rihanna is dating. So the food comes and we dig right into it...umm hommy says he has to use the bathroom 20 minutes later he comes back...im like u got the runnings?? hes like nah i had to smoke!! First he didnt even take his hat off when we got to the restaurant and now were taking smoking breaks in between meals?? wow i guess ettiquete is not a given here. I was raised in house where i greet my Grandparents with a slight bow and Shikamoo and eating time is only eating time only one talking is some BBC radio dude...Hats are not allowed in the house....so this was a deal breaker for me.....and he tried to smoke in my car and he dont have a CAR!! Its only the 1st date so im all easy...relaxed its all gravy!
After the interrupted dinner...oh i forgot we didnt go dutch he payed..the girl usually starts paying in the 60th date...the 2nd date was looking scarce here..... Glad we both agreed on a Comedy...things were going great..i was just waiting for him to go out and smoke again in between the movie but he didnt so there was hope. But as soon as we got outside there he was with his lighters up pet peeve.

So we got to know each other for the next month, i didnt mind driving. He taught me some Espanol which i loved! Je parle en peu francaise but Spanish is just sexier !! Prolemo tho...he didnt wanna do anything other than watch family guy on dvd boondocks..arghhh, chill, stay indoors, chill some more and more.....did i say chill. I like to stay active on my free time which is seldom ,anything FUN be it, gocarting, shooting range,drive to miami or Atlantic city, maybe fly to Vegas...hell i wuda went fishing if i had a boat and some white friends!! i also proposed we go work out together but he didnt get a hint that he needed a four if not a six pack i mean you are in ur ealry 20's look like it goddamnit!... he was deployed to the gulf for 2 months(finally) .....we were just cool for all i know...so when he left i was ready to hit the club scene with the girls do a lil bit of damage ....get back in the game
So a night out with the girls and i met Manuel...haha i thought he was Cubano but nah another Boriqua de corazon from MIAMI too??....ASTAGFURALLAH!!
To Be Contd'

Love Nairobi....Hate the clubs in it!!..My experiences....

2008-03-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

My bad Bella i just had to steal that title...couldnt have put it any better

My main reasons for going to the club are usually to chill wit the girls catch up on gossip minus the niggaz..and drink just enough to remove that uptightness i usually have; that people mistake for Bourgeouise attitude...so after i get a few shots of Citron Vodka and sip on my Malibu Pinnaple on di rocks(ie coconut rum and pineapple jus my fav drink*)..im good to go. I cud dance with the ugliest nigga on the dance floor and not know till my girls pull me away with a scorn in they faces..cuz they know i dont roll that way. Usually a tight ass club usually has atleast 3 if not 4 or 5 floors...each floor has a different feel to it, different look, and definelty different genre of music .The 1st is usually top 40, the rest range from Hip hop, R&B slowjams (for the lovers and friends), DC House music(Go go) and of cousre Rock for those weird white pple...so basically one club like 6 deejays depending on the night so music is always on point!..MUSIC!!!!..Key Word..its what makes the club..Next is the crew that comes thru..if u dont have a dressing code people will show up in their pajamas as i witnessed in Dimples Nakuru..Usually it business causal here...ladies are free to wear anything but less skin is preffered of course those Freakum Dresses we rock always!...Yves saint Laurent or whatever suits ya

So when i was in Nairoberry i was ready to party it up. From what i have been told Nairobi clubs are just the shiit..So i came expecting to have a ultimate experiences. Im a club hopper i have to go from club to club till i find one thats poppin'.. i to pre game at diggz 7p-10p, the main club 10pm-2am, and sometimes after club 2am-6pm.It sucks that most clubs in my city close at 2am and being already tispsy driving to an after club is kinda like a blind olympics challenge on this roads, cuz DUI will get ur ass deported if not in Jail for years so i seldom do after clubs. To make the story short i was very excited to be back home and the idea of mpaka chee was making me boil with excitement....finally KD* gets her drank and her two step on in her own damn town...i was finna paint the town red....

Rezorus- So on New Years eve i find myself at some club called rezorus im not sure thats how u spell it...but talk about small. Im just glad Crunk that Soulja hadn't come out then cuz how the hell are u suppose to dance in a place smaller that those nai public toilets...i mean the club was packed u wud think they were no other clubs..ama they were giving free escort services,,or maybe that was a hotspot. I decided to wander walk around i ended up in a room that was less crowded..which i later found out was the Very Important folks room and some watchie dude comes up to me hes like..."do u know where this is"??...i was like "um nah..enlighten me"?..Hes like this is the VIP Section!! i was like and so?? ...by the time me and him get into it my cuzzo grab me and we head to another club...i was ready to put that watchman in his place...what the fuck is VIP...i invented VIP...m**therf***r!!! yet another "bitchasness" attitude i encountered at a club...kwani what is washaring this Nai men..they def dont know how address women...oh who im i kidin

K2- By the time we get to K2 im drunk as shyt...so anyways i dont even think this is a club. Looks to me like a Chappele block party to me. As in its outside!!... cool idea if its warm..but i t was cold as Alaskas winter..people just jumping on ur back tryna dance..i just dont grind on strangers who appear already hard from a prevoius dance......others sitting in the grass. This is not my idea of a club but i was just like fuck it..il just enjoy with the people. So i decide to get on the dance floor..as soon as i step on...im not even gonna go there..lets leave that but my question goes...how does a DJ go from Kuna dawa, Wahome? to Mamacita, Collie Buddz and then plays Brenda Fassie and then some shenzi kamba song...alafu finishing with Coolio!!?? Everyone seemed to be loving it....who im i to judge what people listen. Now im wishing i was an Alkoholic or Chronic smoker...cuz everything was gettin on my nerves right then...you cannot be sexy in the damn cold... besides K2 prostituses dont need compe bana...so i decided i wasnt returnin there any time soon...

Crooked Q's- I was told this was the place. So i ended there on a Wednesday night...bad night...its fckn Members night so basically everyone knows each other at the club. Females wameona compe..so they are each asking aroung who the hells that girl??... so the girls am with theyre kinda shy they dont dance ati just chill and drink,,.they feel intimidated by these bourghie folks....i was like fuck it...im gonna mingle screw them. So im talkin to guyz...talk about floss...people you just met you find how much they make..how they flew to Dubai last month on a business trip, sijui i own a Benz....and how Nairobi women are so useless...but theres something about me..u kiddin me??...and then pulls a stack of business cards making sure i get a good glimpse of his DEBIT card...ati u know i cud do without sex..i dont like onenight stands...and i can def see his jimmy is swelled the zip is struggling stating closed Blah blah blah blah thats what i hear all this time...really i just want a drink and nice to meet ya, peace!!!. So ive had like 5 blacks and a few vodo shots..those things are!!!!!! wohooo ive never seen such...Across for me theres this 2 lesbian chics just doin the nasty right infront of every one. I dont mind em but pliz this club is so small everyone can fckn see ya...so me and one of them nearly get into it cuz she didnt wanna move the fuck out the way when i was about to hit the bathroom...when i drink i go like its free Koolaid im drinkin...so i pita with her....remember its members night i dont know anyone but my party of 2 that has eased up and are being picked up by this two shady dudes claiming to be from "Rondon" London ie...who cares!! but i decide to stay low but she still keeps giving me dirty looks...and i give her the b*tch bring it on i will whoop ur ass and steal ur girlfriend look...enough is enough!! after giving mad fake numbers im OUT 07211 call me baby!!!! now ive given up nai clubbing officially..Crooked it was!!

Bananaz???- Somwhere on Thika road for those mababiz...Im even embarassed to put this up on my list cuz i dont roll this way at all; But imma keep it real hope shyt dont backfire on me yo!. WHAT THE FUCK!! This is where the thugz of Githurai come to hang out. I mean what the hell was i thinking. I need an offical new crew cuz the pple i supposed call associates failed me. When they described it seemed good..and passing thru at night i always saw bright lights!! So we pull in this place...this is the time when the Barclays banks thieves stole like mad money in the ATM;s...i had a Mastercard..if anyone is to visit Kenya get a Visa card..accepted at any bank ATM. I learnt the hard way.I mean the niggaz i was wit had me, but sometimes a lady has to have her own stash on the side, remember shit happens. So i was carrying like 2geez which is change in Nairobi city of Alkoholiks...I felt like an episode of Big brother when i walked in..(please dont make me explain that).. Atleast they has 2 dance floors...but who plays Coolio in a club? remember i already had to listen to that is K2 smh. How is a nigga suppose to be cool dancing to that ishh...the music was just a mess...so i went to the DJ gave him a lil list of songs i wanted....some real club bangers...and then i hit the dance floor....i was beggining to have fun till i hear frakas on the other end...we was rolling 12 deep so i knew it had to be my people. So i ask what the fcks happnin..apparently one of my cuzzo was snappin pics and happened to catch a guys pic and he didnt wanna be in the pic...so he was threatening to sue...ati saying " if those hard copies come out mtaona"...So i take the camera...its a digi by the way...im like this is ur pic right? so i press delete and the pic is gone...simple as that..no need to bring baby mama drama cuz of a stupid pic that can be deleted by the push of a button...bitchassness is what was bothering him...and i did meet a few people like that..but after giving em a few words i dont think they will act up no more...so i ask the now pissed embarassed drama full mathafreaker..say what now?????? ofcoz he didnt have shit to say...they bounced!...and we bounced!! and that was that...I didnt feel it at all...and mama did scorn me for going there after she found out it was "dangerous"...so i didnt go clubbin for the rest of the week...i just chilled to House parties..

Undecided- So yet again i havent learnt my lessons from the last experiences i decide to give it a shot. This time i decide to keep it low on my outfit so i rock my fav Levis skinny jeans and a black vest chic and simple. So i fika club. Finally this is the only club i can actually compare to a club in my hood. When i went they had sexy ultra white couches and then a medium size dancefloor...shiit i was like damn i like this place. For the 1st time the ladies were giving me compe...shiit i wished i wore those fishnet stockins and that bebe dress i planned on!...arghhh . The drinks, the guyz in there...i mean i saw a few contenders...and yes i did brang it on the dance floor...thats when Akon n Snoop i wanna f*ck u was on high rotation at Kenyan clubs...after hearing that song 20 times on easy FM ..and then hearing it at the club..womp womp!!.who cares i was so digging those white couches i had imagined myself just gettin my (AHEM) on in one of them...they were SEXY!!!. The Indian DJ was not doing a bad job either.,,but I didnt appreciate him playing some songs halfway..kinda like make it rain remix...i was waitin for that weezy part..
"Your boyfriend is lame, I make it rain on you
He never make it rain, like Southern California
Where's your umbrella? Now get your raincoat
Baby I make it flood, now you gon' need a boat "
Overall i did meet some cute guyz...but my flight was a week later...u best believe nothing went down..not even coffee at Java House..nada ,zero, nothing et all!!!

I went to F2 Casablanca Casaurina some clubs in Nakuru......different story for another day

Readers of the blog “Kenyas Dopest Chic...KD*”….. Now is the time to ask me any question and I do mean ANY question………My next post will be answering the Q's

Im a billionare.....I live in Zimbabwe too!!!

2008-03-07T21:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Womens Day first and foremost!!!

I thought shrubbing and shadiness was only a Kenyan boch thing...
This Shona girl has changed my view on Zimbabwe. I know they already have Mugabe fucking up their money and shit....a million Zimbabwe dollars, will buy you a hamburger @ Mc. Donalds...without the bun!!
Enjoy the video....

I finally got tagged......Long overdue

2008-03-05T21:47:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Lucas

Link to the person that tagged you. - Post the rules on your blog. - Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. - Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. - Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their

So i will try to keep it short and simple

1. Iam scared of the dark and still look for monsters under my bed before i sleep every night...at my age!

2. I recently just started eating cheese cake...and its the best thing since sliced bread!! OMG.....deadly!!!

3. Im a Leo, a leader by birth and yes in any group assignments, projects i always wanna be in charge...even in the bedroom!!

4. I think im lucky to have an African upbringing for it has made me the womam i am today...growing up in Kenya is the best thing, and i thank God.

5. I hate seafood,cooked carrots, heart breakers,don imus, dirty nails, male chauvinists...and a thousand other things.

6. Music is just the food to the soul..be it hip-hop r&b pop..the music i listen to kinda depicits my mood...like now im listening to r&b....wonder what im doing?

7.I wanna have sex in the club..one day..one time.

Umbrella........... Hillary Clinton feat Obama.....Enjoy!!

2008-03-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

Haha MAD TV is crazy!!! so here is the latest spoof. Its too damn funny...I thought i was the only one that has a crash on Obama...this man is unstoppable!! Michelle watch out now~~ alot of Lewinskys(groupie) love around

On that note, it has been confirmed that Monica Lewisnky is voting for Obama, she states the Clintons left a bad taste in her MOUTH!! hmmm

7 Sex Habits Women Cant Stand.....true story

2008-02-28T22:27:00.000-08:00

1.Pets(Roomates)
If not for financial reasons, theres no excuse as to why a 25 year old guy is living amongst three other guys with no shame in their game. A guy that has his own place shows maturity and confidence that ladies dig. I mean ladies do not want to get it on sorrounded by four walls and head in the pillow to muffle the screams. She wants freedom to express her feelings in the bedroom and on the balcony too... like 112 sang, we can do it anywhere... Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:a) healthy, creative love-play.....well forget that if he has some pests named roomates;Besides dont u wanna see her rocking that Victoria Secret Lingerie you got her on her birthday...better yet u wanna see her srtut her stuff with ther birthday suit on.... guess what? she cant walk aroud the house like that due to these annoying rodents...please get your own place fool if u want you a freak! just a lil advice here...no hard feelings

2. Foreplay...haha! u knew it was coming...
Simple as this men are like gas cookers, they light on the same way they light off BOOM!..in 2 seconds and in no effort. Women on the other hand are like electric cooker..it takes a lil while to get it just warm enough and the same goes for when its cooling down. Broaden your horizons an effective lover knows there's more to sex than intercourse... he doesn't simply grab a woman's breasts and then dive for her crotch cmon!? touch her and tease her alil bit,,,make her want it and crave it like the latest pair of Manolos(who im i kiddin)..
Also men that think KY jelly is the best thing since sliced bread are the greatest definiton of Lazy ass lovers!!. A woman is suppose to be carresed and played with like a Spanish guitarrrr till all that needs to be moist occurs naturally. Then proceed carefuly and please make sure she gets hers first. This is not a Man U vs Arsenal match. Its just making love to your women so chill!!

3.Slow Down
Talking of slowing your roll..whats this never ending trend of "one minute men". Its cute at first and complementing...like damn my shit must be that good. But it gets old!!! A brother that came out of jail doesnt even have the excuse. I mean after all that foreplay and getting worked up 2 minutes later youre as soft as a sponge WTF!!
I would suggest on your way to the destination please beat your meat up in the car once or twice..please release that urge for God sakes!.. just be realxed and be ready to go for atleast 15 if you cant do 30... Nobody said 3 hours but u know..nothings impossible all im sayin is theres no better feeling than knowing you beat the ishh out of that womans punani and she enjoyed every bit of it... and go ahead ask her about the threesome deal...u might be surprised u dating a freak!!u feel me?

4. Downtown
I know some brahs that would have a heart attack if their patners suddenly decide fellatio is blasphemy and not going for it ever again!!
Same for women its such a pet pevee for men that expect a girl to give em brain and dont think that they might need to reciprocate the action. Women have needs to and yes they like their stuff eaten so ive heard. wow her with short, then long strokes, with either your tongue or your moistened fingers. Ask your partner how it feels...if she cant talk back...just know you are officialy eating the right spots
Why do u think we have so many lesbians??

5.Pushing the Head
Kinda goes with the above one....Men love the submissive position a woman must be in to perform oral sex. Most times, women also enjoy giving a man oral sex, but never, and I mean NEVER push a woman's head down toward your genital area like Joe Pesci did to Sharon Stone in the movie Casino . It is probably the most degrading thing men can do, and it only excites about 0.05% of the female population. Pushing a woman's head down is a sure fire way to get very bad oral sex, if any.

6.Socks!!!!!!!!!
Women hate it when men wear white socks with suits..just not cute. Its even worse when a guy wears them while getting his freak on with his lady. This is a universal thing and it is somwhere in the brain for im yet to meet a woman that can stand it...its is so unsexy and so unromantic its not even funny!!...
Part of the thrill of sex is usually having both people in the nude...and that means tottaly nude naked nada clothes..skin to skin. It is such a simple thing, yet it can make a world of difference.

7.Post Foreplay
Women like to feel wanted and cuddled. So after a nice romping atleast cuddle up..dont just get yours and turn the other way...talk yall selves to sleep and maybe surpsise her with breakfast in bed the next morning after that long tiring but fun night. She will be surpised how u managed to get up after ur great perfomance the night before...i mean shes your girl...show her how u really feel...outside the bedroom too...

Theres more things but the above is what i felt i needed to put out. "Sex aint overrated..some just aint doing it right"!..Luda's words not mine...can i get a Amen!

Just remember to play it safe. Wrap it up!!!. They come in different flavors and shapes. Some even have vibrating tips....choice is yours dear....Just use it: Condom!!

CAN WE BOYCOTT PLIES!!! Bust it Baby my black a$$??!!

2008-02-23T22:40:00.000-08:00

Im a feminist before anything. Any nigga that feel they gotta put a female down, especially a black female, is a p**ssy ass nigga to me!! I love Plies but i hope this show never airs. Not another reality shows to make a damn fool out of black girls. Making the females that are in college and going about their business to be succesful look bad. Black females already have a bad image as far as the media is concerned.Thanks to the likes of BET UNCUT and cable shows that show booty clappin as a past time to these groupies, rappers ,and Hip hop in general. Hihhop video models/hoes/groupies aint making it better for themselves either with their scandulous drama ways of life...."super head"....I mean show me a relaity show with a positive black image, a show that empowers the black female, and i will show you a flying pig!!
Its such a damn shame that these females are degrading themselves to this unbelieveable level.Most of their sons and daughters probably have seen this behavior frequently.So my lil bro thinks being a pimp is the way to go...and baby girl thinks just cuz she light skin and gat "good hair"...she can get love from these rappers....Please somebady gotta do something about this...
****Thank God im African born and raised*****

I honestly think Plies is a down-low brother or a gay individual. Think about it: this man says 'p*ssy' EVERY OTHER FRICKIN' VERSE ON EVERY OTHER FRICKIN' SONG (even more than Ashanti said "Baby" every other frickin' verse on EVERY song). Not even Luke or the Ying Yang Twins mentioned it that often, and when they did, they used metaphors. Maybe Plies thinks, "If I mention a woman's pink participant and what I plan to do it just enough times, it'll assure the people of my masculinity and hence protect my sexuality"...
But then maybe he's not gay just materialistic. He values p*ssy as an asset and the more he get the better.Another misguided male caught up in the fame game...OH LORD!!

now "homies over hoes"....that's gay no questions!!
My 2 cents

Wake up Mr. West!!!....Lights!! Flashing/////

2008-02-20T23:29:00.003-08:00

Hommy done went berserk with this one!!! This dope boy actually thinks this video will get play on regular TV...nah he gon have to do a remake cuz BET aint playing, their image is already on the rocks, now this!!!.( Thank you God for the cancellation of BET UNCUT) Kanye just love to win win win...his swagg is just way to cool..which goes along with mines...hmmmm got me thinking

He might be tryna steal the show from my uncle Obama here since thats been the talk of the year Obamarama, Obama 4 yamama...Peeps have never seen a nigger get so much popular..and he aint rapping..real talk here. This one is running for President and his name is Baraka Hussein!! hahahaha now aint that some shit...They killed Sadam Hussein but he came back to haunt them, this time in the image of a President!

OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT ITS OFFICIAL!! this is just a pre- I will do a whole blog on him...we are family!!

This has been long over due, but have you supermanned a Ho before??

2008-02-20T23:29:00.002-08:00

According to

Urbandictionaty.com

Superman; When you are mad at your girl for not having sex with you. So when she falls asleep you masturbate and cum on her back. After that, stick the bedsheet on to her back and when she wakes up it's stuck to the cum and she has a cape like Superman...Youve official supermaned that Ho
Used in the AIDS filled song of "Crank that Soulja Boy"

Now this is pathetic!!!...and degrading to women of color especially.
Black folks got to to better in the 08 and this ish right here needs to STOP!!

Nonesense Tatts!!..and tats do's and Dont's...

2008-01-29T23:12:00.001-08:00

I personally think the human body is sacred. If you gona mutilate it with getting tattoos..please invest in something with a cause...nonesense tats that we see everyday that just makes u feel for the person, are gettin ridiculous!!!. A few things to consider before lacing ur bod and gettin tatted up like crazy...
I was gonna add this to the ishhh that needs to stop on the 08 list...but no! i had to make one for this....

1. KISS..Keep It Simple Stupid. How many times have u come across a big ass meaningless tattoo better known"tramp stamp as on someones back ...or chest. Simple is always better!

2. Don't tattoo your breasts women(and some men)! There are hundreds of women walking around right now with all kinds of designs on their chests, and I wonder if they know that gravity ain't a female's friend...those twins will be looking a hot mess in a couple years. The nursing home has to buy some sort of eye protectors to hide from those hideous things!!

3.Find out what tattoo symbols mean. ThatJapanesse, Chinese, Arabic, Swahili..whatever the eff ever language u choose.. symbol might look real cool on your shoulder blade or ankle, but I don't think you'd be too happy if you found out its meaning was ' freaking moron'

4. Don't get multiple, multi-coloured tattoos. This picture says it all. She looks like she was mutilated.

5. Don't place multiple tattoos on one limb, especially on a leg. It looks like you have a serious skin disease. Like Fantasia from American Idol

6. Women, please don't place tattoos on your upper arms, 'cause you look butch as wuh. Unless that's the look you're going for....a redneck look...im saying thats for muscular men or dykkes..with that said

7. Men, tattoos won't transform you instantly into a macho stud. There's nothing sadder than a guy with biceps like PING PONG balls with huge tats plastered on his arms. Try hitting the gymn first..get u a six pack and some nice guns.. then invest on the tat later...gosh such a pet peeve!!

8. Never tattoo curse words on your body. You'd think this was a given, but alas, no. Remember, you won't be a rebellious 20-something forever; at some point you might care what other people think of you

9. Never tattoo your boyfriend's/girlfriend's name on your body. Partners come and go but tattoos remain, unless you can afford painful laser surgery. Even the Tattoo Queen herself, Angelina Jolie, learnt this the hard way, erasing her ex-husband Billy Bob's name from her arm after their divorce. Don't tattoo your own name on yourself either. Unless you have severe dementia and forget easily....if you are the u have no business gettin a tatoo..u dig??

10. No offence, but don't bother with a tattoo if your skin tone is very very dark. The tattoos are barely visible and coloured tattoos on dark skin tones look weird...unless u have money to waste...but then again you are getting a tattoo for your own reasons, go ahead. Power to you and you invisible tat i say!!

I was gonna make it 10 but this righ here is a bonus....

PLEASE DONT!!! EVER....get a celebrity name on your body...even worse like seen below get a celebs picture. Worse its Katt Williams...if he aint ur baby daddy, brother, cuzin, fuck buddy u have no bidness going thru hours of pain for someone who dont even know you exist...Unless u really have no self-love(respect)...If you get a tat of Mandela still crazy!! but i will be like this chick, dude has an agenda..some humanitarins connected passion...but homegirl had to get Katt??

Well atleast he saw it...but she prolly didnt even get the change that was in his pocket..shyt need to stop!!

ISHH THAT MUST STOP IN THE 08!!!!!

2008-01-19T01:44:00.001-08:00

EY YO!!!!2007 is a wrap…and here’s our chance to do better WE GATS TO DO BETTER. New year, new start, new ish. So certain things MUST not carry on to the ‘08 and this list MUST be passed on to all of your loved ones. Or those who you know damn well need it in their lives…

10. The big ass chains with no purpose must stop. We don’t know what they mean and even if we did, they’re still whack. If you’re going to rock a chain, do a throwback to the 80’s and rock the chain sans the big ass purposeless medallion. We all know what label you’re signed to and if we don’t…we probably don’t care. You could feed 3 villages in Africa and plant a 5 star boutique hotel in two of the villages with that ish. Just be smarter with your money.

CHEESY SMILE...CHEESY ASS CHAIN!! LEARN FROM FABULOS A THING ABOUT CHAINS!!

9. Don’t send naked pics of yourself to your boyfriend, husband, BFF, family member, NOBODY. That ish will ALWAYS come out at some point and you will be crying to the Feds talking about “Why me?”. Take note from the dozens of celebs who make this mistake on the daily. Just cut all that out.

RAY J SHAME ON YOU!!!KIM CLOSE THOSE LEGGS!!

8. If you work in a customer service oriented field, such as restaurants or retail, stop cursing out customers to their face but under your breath when you’re actually talking loud as hell. We can hear you. Especially when the customer only asked you to get something that is in your job description to get.

7. Whichever hair salons are still putting in multicolored weaves into women’s heads needs to be shut the hell down. I don’t know if I’m more mad that people really think mixing blue and green weave or having holiday inspired hair weave colors are the ish or that I even have to say this ish in 2007.

6. Let the 16yr old do the CRUNK DAT SOULA/SPIDERMAN/ROBOCOP. A 30 year old man does not look nice doing the super man...nor a female in a freakum dress with some heels on with barcadi in her hand !!

5. Eliminate the words “hate” and “hater” from your vocabulary.

HATER NIGGAZ MARRY SOME HATTER B**** AND HAVE SOME HATER BRATZ!!

4. Rappers who think having fights at their own concerts makes them hard. It doesn’t. And, as always, it’s the smallest dudes too-T.I., Weezy, now Trey Songz. R&B dudes trying to get in on the foolishness. Yes, the crowd can get foolish, but you look extra foolish jumping off stage trying to box a dude 3 times your size because he threw ice on the stage. Let’s let the bodyguards you put on your payroll handle that nonsense in the ‘08.
SINCE WHEN DO R&B NIGGAZ HAVE B**** FIGHTS...LEAVE THAT TO THE GHETTO GIRLS!!

3. Tunics are just that…tunics. Which means you cannot just MAKE a shirt a tunic, but it has to be made like that already. Sadly enough, Shi Shi was just the latest victim of being caught rocking a simple sweater like it was a tunic or a dress. I see this ish all the time and it really needs to stop. Just tacky. Especially when there are far too many actual tunics out there for you to rock. And while we’re at it…how about we cut out the wearing draws as “hot pants” too.

2. BET.
SELF EXPLAINATORY

1. STOP the 99% naked, thong wearing, ghetto, chi chi’s spilling over, tatted up, bird chested, skuzzy, gully, booty “look back” pics and poses on Myspace. Just STOP IT. It’s unnecessary on many levels. And gone ahead and throw out those tacky ass “I Gets Money Bi**hes” taglines of the sorts too. You will NOT find a man who is a “business minded hustler who treats you right” by posing like an extra desperate Khia. You just won’t. And fellas, you will not find a woman who is “wifey material” when you set your Myspace search to “Pics only” and only scan the chicks who are assed out on their profile pics. Let’s aim higher in the ‘08. If you had to get throwed with a whole bottle of Hypno–at home or in the club–just to get up the nerve to take that pic–that means you shouldn’t even think about posting it. I will be starting a BOYCOTT MYSPACE petition and will find a way to get the FBI involved if this foolishness continues in the ‘08. Amen...
ENOUGH SAID BY THE PICTURE WHICH I HAD TO EDIT...SINCE ITS PG UP IN HERE!!